Caring for a loved one with mental illness creates life burdens. Here are just a few:
- Helping the loved one in a crisis while trying to meet the needs of other family members
- Dealing with family disagreements about what to do
- Dealing with family members in various states of acceptance of the illness
- Finding the best ways to deal with “negative symptoms” or residual symptoms, such withdrawal, silence, inability to have a conversation, irritability, resistance to treatment
- Trying to get information you need from providers
- Serving as the “real” case manager for the loved one
- Staying alert to signs of decompensation and relapse
- Dealing with your own anxiety about relapse and other horrible things that could happen
- Balancing earning a living with caring for your loved one
- Managing the impact of your loved one on your marriage and other family relationships
- Dealing with financial issues and plans for future care
Setting boundaries, as we’ve said before, is for your own good and your loved one’s good in this challenging life circumstance. Here are some possible areas where you may need to set them:
- Financial support
- Whether or not you are willing to co-sign documents
- Your loved one’s ability to live in your home
- How much practical help you can provide (meals, budgeting or handling money, grocery shopping, transportation, etc.)
- Household chores you expect your loved one to do
- Personal hygiene requirements
- Disruptive behaviors (refusing to follow house rules, playing music or videos too loudly, etc.)
- Use of tobacco, alcohol and/or street drugs in your home
- Gambling
- Attending medical appointments
- Taking prescribed medications
Establishing boundaries is one of the most thoughtful things you do. It is also one of the most difficult.
The best way I’ve found is to pick out one or two of the most troublesome behaviors. Assign consequences for violations of these boundaries. Clearly communicate this to your loved one. Be consistent in enforcing them.