When They Don’t Think They Are Mentally Ill

One symptom of having a mental illness is … not knowing that you have a mental illness. Really.

This symptom is anosognosia … pronounced uh-no-sog-NOH-zee-uh.  It means being unaware of one’s disease, disability or defect. This is common, as many who have tried to help a loved one can tell you.

Some people who have brain-based or “mental” illness have insight.  They know they have a mental disturbance that could be an illness. They recognize they have  experiences, including beliefs and perceptions, that don’t match reality.  Because they can see this, they are much more likely to accept treatment.

People with anosognosia often don’t accept treatment simply because they don’t think they are sick.

Anosognosia affects 50 percent of people with schizophrenia and 40 percent of people with bipolar disorder.  It also can be a symptom of major depression with psychotic features.

What Causes This?

The symptom can vary over time. Sometimes people understand they are ill, and sometimes they don’t. They are not being stubborn or difficult. The same brain dysfunction that causes hallucinations and voices also causes anosognosia.

People constantly update their own mental images of themselves.  You remember that you have a sunburn or a bruise or a runny nose, so you are not surprised when you see it again. The updating process takes place in the frontal lobe.

Unfortunately schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and dementia damage the frontal lobe.  So our loved ones can lose the ability to update their self-images.

Without an update, they have an old self-image from before the illness. Since our perceptions feel accurate, they believe they are well.  They decide that our families are lying or making a mistake.  When families insist that they are right, the person with the illness may get frustrated or angry.  They may begin to avoid family and friends.

Why Is Insight Important?

Lack of insight not only causes conflict. It usually causes a person to avoid treatment. It is also the most common reason that people with mental illness stop taking their medications.  When combined with psychosis or mania, lack of insight can cause dangerous behavior.

How Can You Tell If It’s Anosognosia or Denial?

It’s likely to be anosognosia if:

  • The lack of insight is severe and persistent (lasting for months or years).
  • The beliefs (I am not sick, etc.) are fixed. They don’t change when you confront the person with overwhelming evidence.
  • You hear illogical explanations or elaborate statements that attempt to explain away the evidence of the illness.

How Can You Help Your Loved One?

Anosognosia is a delusion. We can’t talk people out of delusions.  (That’s what a delusion is: a belief in the face of contrary evidence.) So stop arguing about it.

The alternative that experts stress is listening to the person.  The LEAP method, developed by Dr. Xavier Amador, has proven quite effective in research in helping people to accept that need for treatment.

In summary, the LEAP method is:

  • Listen to your loved one. If they don’t think they are sick, find out what problems they think they do have.  Lack of sleep, for example.
  • Empathize. Let them know you understand how difficult things are.
  • Agree with the loved one on some point. Example:  Lack of sleep makes things hard.
  • Partner with the loved one, starting with solving the problem that they recognize.

The method is detailed in Dr. Amador’s book, “I’m Not Sick. I Don’t Need Help.”  Details on also available in the videos here.  They are worth watching.

 

holding hands

Create a Healing Environment

Creating a low-stress, healing environment can help our loved ones with mental illness.  This post contains information from “Helpful Family Attitudes and Skills” by Dr. Christopher Anderson and “Guidelines for Creating a Low-Stress Home Environment for a Mentally Ill Person” by Dr. Brian D. Eck.

Three Key Principles 

Accept the person as ill. This is simple to say but difficult to do. The grief over a dramatic reduction in functioning is never totally resolved. Both the patient and the family cling to old images and false hopes of what the ill person could have been if he had not been afflicted with the illness. To be helpful, families should greet patients where they are, love them as they are, and promote growth that is in line with their current condition. Specifically:

  1. Mourn the loss, but not in the presence of your relative.
  2. Never discuss what he was or what he could have been in front of him.
  3. Avoid comparisons to peers.

Attribute symptoms to the illness. It’s an impossible task, but families must attempt to be objective and calm when the loved one’s brain is causing bad behavior.  This includes times when the loved one is screaming that he hates you because you are poisoning him. Our culture is more likely to attribute behavior to an illness when the person has Alzheimer’s or brain cancer.  Even when the behavior is completely unacceptable and must be restrained, such as violence, it is likely due to the illness.

Include the person in the family. Families often subtly exclude loved ones with mental illness from the family.  Examples include:

  • Not discussing the loved one with friends when they discuss their other children.
  • Not inviting other people to their home when the loved one is present.
  • Not altering family gatherings so the loved one may be included for at least part of the event.
  • Not including the loved one in family portraits.
  • Not asking the loved one to help you do things.

Creating a Healing Environment

Recognize that the illness is no one’s fault.

Understand the limits of the illness and the extent of the person’s control over his behavior.

Go slow! Recovery and growth take time. Rest is important.

Keep it simple and structured. People with mental illness do better with structure and predictable routines. Home life should have a consistent rhythm with change as seldom and gradual as possible.

Keep it calm. For the most part, try to keep the environment quiet with calm voices and limited stimulation.

Give people space. Private time and space are important for everyone.

Set limits. Have clear and appropriate expectations. Everyone needs to know what the rules are. A few good rules that are consistently enforced will help keep things calm.

Ignore what you cannot change. Let some things slide. Do not ignore violence.

Speak simply Say what you have to say clearly, calmly, and positively. When you address them, your loved ones will most likely respond only to the first couple sentences that you say to them at one time.

Offer praise and encouragement. Try to be sure that you have at least a ratio of four positive interactions to one negative or challenging interaction.

Follow doctor’s orders.  Encourage your family members to take their medications as prescribed and only those that are prescribed. If you can, have them sign a release of information so that you and the doctor can discuss your family member’s treatment program.

Carry on your business as usual. Reestablish routines as quickly as possible when they are disrupted.

No street drugs or alcohol. Emphasize that illegal drugs and alcohol make symptoms worse.

Recognize early signs of relapse. Learn what changes you will see in your family member’s symptoms and behaviors, especially those which usually occur just before a relapse. Contact their care team when you see the changes.

Find a way for the person to learn life skills.

Solve problems step by step. Work on one thing at a time and be patient as they learn from the consequences of their behavior. Let them experience the non-dangerous consequences of their choices.

Offer opportunities to meet their needs Offer opportunities to have major personal, social, activity, and competence needs met.

A Dozen Ways to Love Someone With Mental Illness

It takes enormous courage and determination to live positively with a serious mental illness. But it can happen.  And we can help.  We can respect and protect our loved one’s deep vulnerability.

Here are a dozen ways to offer that support, based on material from NAMI’s Family-to-Family program.

  1. Don’t nag or criticize.  People who have a mental illness are unable to defend themselves against a direct personal attack.  Despite irritation, try to be supportive. Keep negative and nagging remarks to a minimum.
  2. Don’t push or punish.  It doesn’t work.  It will be hard on both of you.  And it is highly correlated to decompensation and relapse.
  3. Praise positive behavior and ignore negative behavior. This is the best way to influence your loved one’s behavior is to praise the positive.  Studies show your loved one will want to perform the behaviors that earn them recognition and approval.
  4. Learn to recognize and accept symptoms.  We wouldn’t get furious if a person with epilepsy had a seizure.  So we need to accept that some behaviors are the direct result of the illness.  Don’t argue with delusions.  Don’t try to talk someone out of a clinic depression.  Also, help your loved one understand that symptoms are not their fault, but part of the illness.  Some symptoms can be controlled with treatment, including medications.
  5. Stand up to the stigma.  People with mental illness are not bad people.  They are people with a bad disease.  They are not trying to embarrass or anger us.
  6. Lower your expectations for your relationship.  Then lower them again. People with mental illness do not have the capacity to provide emotional support to us. Get help from other places.
  7. Treat them like other people.  At the same time, set basic rules and limits for the whole family.  Structure is almost always helpful.
  8. Encourage steps toward independence.  When your loved one is ready, encourage them to take small steps toward being more independent.  But keep your expectations reasonable.
  9. Don’t dwell on “what might have been.”  Accept the illness.  Still, don’t give up hope.  We need to tell our loved ones that the illness can make things difficult.  But a happy life is still possible.  People do adapt.  Some people actually get much better.
  10. Be patient in health, as well as in sickness. When our loved ones improve, stay patient and loving. It takes time to develop a lifestyle that protects them from becoming ill again.
  11. Be gentle with yourself and others in the family.  This is a marathon, not a sprint. Mental illness is often cyclical, so things will get better, then worse and then better again.
  12. Pray for grace.  Ask for tolerance, compassion, endurance and self-control.  Sometimes only God can give you the attitude you need.

Mental Illness: Chronic Illness Has Predictable Reactions

Mental illness is a chronic illness with life changing impact. Even when a person is properly medicated, in treatment and in remission, mental illness puts its sufferers in a devastating limbo.  Let’s consider what it could be like:

  • Have you ever gone without sleep for one night? 48 hours? Longer?
  • Have you ever woken up, startled and not sure where you were?
  • Have you lost your keys or your glasses and couldn’t find them?
  • Has a song been running through your head for a couple of hours?  A day? A week?

Remember how you felt in these circumstances.  Irritable, frantic or close to screaming? What if it all happened at once?

Thinking about this can give us some empathy for people with mental illness.  Furthermore, many people who have brain-based mental illness are effectively cut off from predictable and rewarding life experiences.  They suffer from their inability to competently do things that they could do before.

This life-constriction threatens our loved ones’ psychological integrity.  This sets up a process where people with mental illnesses feel they must protect themselves at all costs.  They struggle to maintain some dignity and self-respect in the face of stigma, failure and shame. Still, the behaviors that result — refusing medication, rejecting family and community support, and disrupting family life — do not make sense to us.

Whenever a person has a serious chronic illness, such as COPD, emphysema, chronic heart disease or mental illness, two things happen to their sense of self:

  1. They lose their protective belief that they are exempt from harm.  Much of our sense of safety and our willingness to take risks rests on this belief, especially among younger people.
  2. They lose their sense of a predictable, dependable future.  This results in the use of defensive coping strategies.  These self-management techniques are basically maladaptive.  They don’t help people get what they really want, but they do provide temporary psychological refuge when confidence and self-image take a nose-dive.

In the next post, we will look at typical defensive coping strategies and the empathetic guidelines to help families deal with loved ones who exhibit them.

 

 

 

Know the Meds: Antipsychotics 101

Note: This information came from the websites of NAMI, goodtherapy.org and other sources, as well as my own experience. 

Antipsychotics come in two major categories: typical and atypical. Occasionally they are called first and second generation.

The antipsychotics developed in the mid-20th century are the typical and first generation class.  Atypical or second generation were developed more recently. These medications reduce or eliminate the symptoms of psychosis, such as delusions and hallucinations, by affecting the brain chemical dopamine.

Both types of antipsychotics are used to treat schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder.  The atypical also are used to treat acute mania, bipolar disorder and treatment-resistant depression.  Both kinds work, but they have different side effects.

What are the names of these medications? 

What are the side effects?

Side effects are most common at the beginning, and most get better over time.  The most common are:

  • Sleepiness
  • Dizziness
  • Upset stomach
  • Increased appetite

First generation antipsychotics are more likely to cause movement issues, such as tardive dyskinesia (a condition in which the brain misfires resulting in random, uncontrollable muscle movements and tics.)

The second generation can cause weight gain.

How long does it take to produce results? 

It often takes four to six weeks for the medication to fully work.  However, in the first three days, the person may feel less upset and angry.

After one or two weeks, the person may have a better mood and improved self care habits.  You may see clearer thinking, with fewer hallucinations and delusions.

How long do people take this medication? 

It depends on the situation: how bad the problems were, how long the illness lasted before treatment, and how many times they have had episodes.  Some people only need it for one or two years, while others need it for a lifetime.

 

 

Know the Meds, Part 1

The treatments for mental illness conditions vary from person to person, which doesn’t make things any easier.  People with the same diagnosis can have vastly different experiences with treatments and medications.

Of course, your loved one’s mental health provider is the best source for information about treatment.  Getting a HIPPA release so you can discuss the situation with them is very useful.  The articles in this series, based on information from NAMI and my experience, are general information to help you understand the treatment options when they are discussed.

Psychotropic, or psychiatric, medications influence the chemicals in the brain that regulate thinking and emotions.  While they can be more effective when combined with therapy, often a person needs the medication first to reduce symptoms to allow them to participate in the therapy.

Predicting what works is a challenge.  One field of research called pharmacogenetics does genetic testing to help determine how medications will interact with a person’s genes.  Some people I know have taken these tests, so it’s worth discussing it with the doctor. It’s also helpful to tell the doctor if a medication has worked well for someone else in the immediate family.

Another major challenge is that the medications rarely work instantly.  A person may need to take medication for as long as a few months to see a difference, which becomes even more irritating if side effects are causing issues.

To try to stop that, physicians usually start with small doses and build up to get to the point where the symptoms are better.  It’s important that your loved one does not stop medicine at once.  Usually, it’s better to taper off to avoid unpleasant effects.

The main categories of psychotropic medicine are:

  • Antipsychotics
  • Antidepressants
  • Anti-anxiety medicine
  • Mood stabilizers

We will look at each in this series.

15 Ways to Abide With Jesus

Want to enjoy the presence of Jesus in your life as a caregiver?  Here’s 15 steps to help you get there.

  1. Try a daily prayer of surrender. “Today, this is Your day… Today, I am Yours… May Your Spirit lead, guide and prompt me throughout my day… May I be sensitive to Your prompting and respond accordingly… Today, I surrender my life to You…
  2. Read a short section of Scripture or a devotional book as often as you eat.
  3. Pray Bible verses. Even if it’s just a few verses, pray the Bible back to God.  This is easier if you put up Bible verses around the house. That can be in framed calligraphy, a perpetual calendar of Biblical thoughts or simple Post-it notes.
  4. Be in the day with a plan and the willingness to disregard the plan to respond to what God allows.
  5. Keep focused on what you are doing. When you walk with Jesus, everything you do can be a prayer. This is where the practice of Christian mindfulness comes in.
  6. Listen to yourself and be compassionate. Overcoming restlessness and the need to focus on the trivial to avoid the pain of grief is a problem that I have, and I think many others who are caregivers of people with mental illness have as well. The Three Things exercise can help you to focus your attention, reduce restlessness and add calm: Stretch or drink some water. Note three things you see, three thinks you hear and three feelings you have. 
  7. Refocus during transitions. Try to center yourself as you move from place to place, from event to event. You can say:  I am calm, peaceful and aware of the presence of God as I enter this home/door/time/event.
  8. Carry on a conversation with God and try to make it continual.
  9. When you run out of words, say the Jesus prayer. Using a “Jesus” prayer when you need to calm down or you are in a situation in which you would just look at your phone helps. You can pray “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” over and over.  I use “Come Holy Spirit.”  It’s also a nice way to go to sleep at night.
  10. Stop to praise God
  11. Be a “yes” to all that is in God and to each circumstance and person who comes into our lives. Have faith that God is at work even in horrible circumstances. We should look at all circumstances, environments, and even all persons as coming through God’s hands so we can serve Him. This is the “good” that all things work for as mentioned in Romans 8:28: 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Acceptance of this kind makes caregiving less depleting and exhausting.It’s so challenging, but you can accept the reality of the circumstance and not argue in your mind that it should be different.  Second, you also need listen to yourself rather than taking a treat (food, a drink or a nap). Acceptance is not the same as being happy in sad circumstances. You cannot pretend everything is fine, because your mind knows it’s not. Accepting that everything is not fine, but it is impossible for you to change allows you to offer more empathy without draining excessive energy. We are not in heaven yet, and bad things happen in a fallen world.  God is still present and wants to abide in you.  The joy of the Lord is your strength.  Follow an energy draining situation with an energy builder such as reading, meditation, pray, eating something healthy and tasty.
  12. In everything give thanks
  13. Think on these things. Philippians 4:8:Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. I made up a phrase to help me remember this: The normal real person likes an excellent pizza. (true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy).  This helps me to do a thought check when I seem to be on the wrong track.
  14. Give yourself a GIFT list.The GIFT list idea originated with Pam Young and Peggy Jones, and I adapted it to give myself something else to think about. I keep the daily list with my to-dos. GIFT stands for: Grace, Imagination, Focus and Thanksgiving.  I ask for a Grace from the list of the fruits of the Holy Spirit (love, joy, peace, patients, kindness, goodness, righteousness, gentleness and self-control). For Imagination, I pick a virtue and image how I could incorporate that virtue into my day.  Focus is the day’s predominate activities.  (Attending meetings, writing, planning, cleaning, making things, running errands, enjoying the family, taking a Sabbath, etc.)  And Thanksgiving is a gratitude list I fill out as the day goes on.  When my mind goes on a tear, I deliberately turn it back to the Grace, Imagination or Focus of the day.
  15. Summon up your courage and pray the welcoming prayer. This is the scariest prayer I’ve ever prayed: Welcome, welcome, welcome. I welcome everything that comes to me today because I know it’s for my healing. I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations and conditions. I let go of my desire for power and control.  I let go of my desire for affection, esteem, approval and pleasure. I let go of my desire for survival and security. I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person or myself.  I open t the love and presence of God and God’s action within. 

This practice of the presence of God, somewhat difficult in the beginning, when practiced faithfully, secretly brings about marvelous effects in the soul, draws down the abundance of God’s grace upon it, and leads it imperceptibly to this simple awareness, to this loving view of God present everywhere, which is the holiest, the surest, the easiest, and the most efficacious form of prayer. People who lean on Jesus know things that other people don’t know.

 

A Caregiver’s Secret Weapon: Abiding in God

Loving someone who has a mental illness often means struggling with despair.  You may live with unpredictable and frightening events.  You may struggle with a different kind of grief … the loss of a person who is still alive.

People who have a relationship with Jesus have a great advantage in dealing with this situation.  Jesus invites His own not only to trust him, but to abide in Him.  He invites us to stop looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and find His light instead.

As caregivers for the mentally ill, we frequently feel powerless.  This is the condition needed to feel the presence of God: to be empty and powerless, as powerless as the crucified Christ appeared on the cross.  So in some ways, this situation does allow us to more easily abide in the Lord.

This summer I went to a monastery for a silent retreat to see what God had for me in increasing my relationship with Him.  In the monastery library, I found an old book called “Practicing the Prayer of Presence” by Adrian van Kaan and Susan Muto.

They wrote: “For it is in the misery of our powerlessness that we call down upon ourselves and others the Infinite Glory and Mercy of God.”

Jesus invites us to abide in Him while He abides in us. Jesus spoke about this in John 17: 25-26 in his prayer for believers at the Last Supper.

“Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. 26 I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

Then again in John 15:4-5:

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

John 14:2020 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.

God dwells within us.  But we also dwell with our own thoughts, fears, emotions and concerns.

Here’s some good news:  Your mind is not all there is to you. Your thoughts are just thoughts. No matter how loud, they are not masters, giving orders that have to be obeyed.

Even better, if we acknowledge our negative thoughts, feelings and body sensations, we prevent the mind from spiraling into an aversion. Fighting and flaying about in our own mind does not make an environment where the Prince of Peace can abide.

Brooding about why things happen and worrying about what’s likely to happen next … focusing on anxiety, tiredness, etc., actually strengthens the negative as it keeps you focused on fear rather than the reality of God’s desire to be present with you.

Next time:  How Christian meditation and mindfulness can help.

Why Low Expectations Are a Good Thing

How do you feel when you expect a $100 tax refund and the IRS finds a mistake in your favor, so you get $1,000 instead?

How about when you expect to wait for 10 minutes and you end up waiting an hour?

The way that things turn out compared to how we expected them to turn has a lot to do with how we feel.  Understanding the impact of our expectations can help us deal with the pain and frustration of loving someone with a brain-based (mental) illness.

For example, living with a person who has clinical depression is hard.  We want to help, but we don’t know how. Sometimes our efforts make things worse.  The same is true when you live with a person who suffers from anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder or the spectrum that is schizophrenia.

All of them have an intense need for love, but they often have trouble being loving in return.

What would an expert in the psychological community expect from a person with clinical depression?  Low energy, for one thing.  The depressed have so little energy that they rarely can think about other people.  So they seem self-centered.  The depressed person can feel an inner anger that life isn’t fair.  Yet, getting in arguments to try to talk them out of their hopelessness doesn’t work.

A person with bipolar disorder is expected to show signs of the illness.  The mood swings between mania and depression, with long or short periods in between, may seem as if they don’t have a rhyme or reason.  The reason is chemical, and it needs treatment.

Living alongside someone with borderline personality disorder is a true roller coaster ride.  One minute you are the best, and the next you are seen as a monster. “Walking around on eggshells” is a common description of daily life in that household.  People with this illness are in emotional pain almost all the time, and they project issues on others.

In short, people with mental illness are expected to behave in ways you don’t like.  They can no longer meet many simple expectations that we had for them before the illness.  One of the toughest issues family members have is deciding what the new expectations should be:  Can he work?  Can she do chores?  Can he join us for family dinner?  Can she take a shower without prompting?

This change has more impact on us that we want it to have.  We experience deep pain as we try to adjust,  as one thing after another becomes too much for them to do.  Grieving this loss is tough at the beginning, and it’s just as tough as time goes on.

You can measure stress by the difference between what is happening and what you think should be happening.  So your stress will be intense, unless you change your thinking about “what should be.”

At the beginning of a loved one’s mental illness, a psychologist suggested to us, “Why don’t you try not having any expectations at all?”  Easier said than done, and hard to hear.

But we learned to keep our expectations as low as possible.  To fill in the gap,  it’s wise to turn to God’s promises.  God is both sufficient and faithful,  walking with us through this valley of the shadow of death.  Abiding with the Lord can give you expectations of peace and comfort.

 

 

 

 

 

It Gets Better: The Emotional Stages of Mental Health Caregiving

Just as Elizabeth Kubler-Ross developed a stage-of-grief model, several sociologists have created a model for the emotional stages of loving someone with mental illness.

Dr. Joyce Burland, a psychologist, spent two decades of helping her mother and her daughter deal with schizophrenia.  She found no model for the experience, so she created the family education curriculum Family to Family for NAMI.  (My husband and I have taken this course and recommend it to many families in our support group.)

The Burland model has three stages:

  1. Heads Out of the Sand – The family knows their loved one has a mental illness.  They may still be in denial about how severe the illness is. The family needs education (especially about the prognosis for the illness), crisis intervention and emotional support.
  2. Learning To Cope – The family accepts the illness while still experiencing emotions like grief, anger and guilt. They need education about self-care and coping skills for their loved one, as well as peer support.
  3. Moving Into Advocacy – Some families eventually become advocates to help others struggling with these issues.

Dr. David Karp, a sociologist at Boston College, proposed a second model with four stages:

  1. Emotional Anomie – This stage comes before a firm diagnosis.  It can include fear, confusion, bewilderment and questioning of one’s possible “guilt” in the situation.  (“What did I do wrong to cause this?”) It also contain the fervent hope that the problem will “just go away.”
  2. Hope and Compassion – This occurs when the diagnosis is provided.  Fear and confusion directed at the loved one turn to compassion.  The family starts to learn about the illness and to understand they need to be caregivers.  While still hoping that the illness will be resolved quickly, some caregivers may feel that they are willing to do anything to make things better for their loved one.
  3. Loss of Dreams and Resentment –  Now the family understands that the illness may be a permanent condition.  Some experience anger and resentment because it is a problem that they cannot fix.  The resentments also arise from realizing that the illness will have a long-term impact on their own plans.  Some, such as adult children dealing with an ill parent, find themselves in a role reversal situation.  Many rethink their expectations for the ill loved one, struggling to understand what is realistic.  The struggle to decide what behaviors the loved one can control and what they can’t becomes a daily reality.  Families begin the process of trying to love the person and hate the illness. As the demands of caregiving continue, some families become isolated from friends and other family members.
  4. Acceptance –  The family realizes that it can’t control the loved one’s illness.  They feel somewhat relieved that they are not responsible for fixing the issue.  Karp was the person who created the “4 Cs”:  “I did not cause it. I cannot control it. I cannot cure it.  All I can do it cope with it.”   At the same time, the family more easily sees their loved one’s strength and courage in the struggle.  This may led to more respect and even admiration for that person.

Where you do think you fall in these scales?  Have you experiences the differences between having a loved one with a “physical” illness, such as cancer or heart disease, and having a loved one with a brain-based disease?