Handling Symptoms: Hypomania and Agitation

Information is from “When Someone You Love has a Mental Illness” by Rebecca Woolis,  “The Complete Family Guide to Schizophrenia” by Dr. Kim T. Mueser and Susan Gingerich and the Palo Alto Medical Foundation.

I’ve found that it’s difficult to get immediate response from my loved one’s treatment team or anyone else when my loved one is dealing with symptoms of mental illness. My first response is to call them. While I’m waiting for a response, I’ve found this advice from the sources above useful.

Responding to Hypomania

Mania and mixed states are a medical emergency, so medical help is needed. If you can’t get a response from the treatment team, consider going to the emergency room or a psychiatric emergency room.

Hypomania can be a common symptom, which your loved one may have to live with repeatedly.

The best advice for those who love them: Don’t take the symptoms personally.  When in the midst of a bipolar episode, people often say or do things that are hurtful or embarrassing. When manic, your loved one may be reckless, cruel, critical and aggressive. Try to remember that the behaviors are symptoms of your loved one’s mental illness, not the result of selfishness or immaturity.

Be prepared for destructive behaviors.  When your loved one is well, negotiate a treatment contract that gives you advance approval for protecting them when symptoms flare up. Agree on specific steps you’ll take, such as removing credit cards or car keys, going together to the doctor, or taking charge of household finances.

Spend time with the person. People who are hypomanic often feel isolated from other people. Spending even short periods of time with them helps. If your loved one has a lot of energy, walk together. This allows your loved one to keep on the move but still share your company.

Avoid intense conversation and arguments.

Prepare easy-to-eat foods and drinks. It’s difficult for your loved one to sit down to a meal during periods of high energy, so try offering them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, apples, cheese crackers, and juices, for example.

Keep surroundings as quiet as possible. Avoid subjecting your loved one to a lot of activity and stimulation. 

Allow your loved one to sleep whenever possible. During periods of high energy, sleeping is difficult, but short naps throughout the day can help.

Responding to Agitation

Decreasing stimulation can reduce agitation.  You can encourage your loved one to try relaxation exercises, deep breathing or blocking sound using ear plugs.

Responding to Disorganized Speech

Speaking in gibberish is a frightening thing to observe. If you can’t get ahold of the treatment team quickly, you may want to go to the emergency room or the psychiatric emergency room.

Your job is to communicate that you care.  Respond to emotional tone if you can see it.  If you sense fear, talk about how hard fear is to deal with. If you can pick out a sentence that makes sense, you can respond to that.

When one of my loved ones spoke in gibberish, I was able to pick up the tone. I did say that I couldn’t understand what they wanted, which they seemed to understand. We were in an institutional setting so I felt comfortable with this, as I could get help if the frustration spilled over into throwing things.

As I hope I’ve made clear, your treatment team is the best source of information for how to deal with the symptoms of mental illness.

Next time, we’ll discuss responding to anger, bizarre behavior and negative symptoms.

Dealing With Delusions and Hallucinations

Handling the Symptoms of Mental Illness

Note: The information is from NAMI, Mental Health America, “When Someone You Love has a Mental Illness” by Rebecca Woolis,  “The Complete Family Guide to Schizophrenia” by Dr. Kim T. Mueser and Susan Gingerich, and the Palo Alto Medical Foundation. It also reflects what I have learned through personal experience.

Some questions that I have heard in our support group include:

  • “What do I say when she says someone on television is sending her secret messages?”
  • “What do I do when he gets the locks changed because he thinks the FBI is trying to get into our house?”
  • “What do I do when he disassembles the pipes to find out where the voices are coming from?”

All these questions are related to delusions and hallucinations, which are symptoms of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder (in some cases) and other forms of mental illness.

Three factors that can influence symptoms are inadequate medication, substance abuse, and high levels of stress. About half the people with schizophrenia have symptoms most or all the time, even with medication. Symptoms also can be signs of relapse coming.

Even if your loved one doesn’t have these symptoms, you may be called on to give advice at some point.  Of course, we always point people to the experts.  But it can be hard to get solid advice from a visit to a psychiatrist or to talk to a social worker. So I’m providing the information that I have collected and used in real-world situations as support.

Responding to Delusions and Hallucinations

People vary in their sensitivity about their delusions or hallucinations.  Previous medical history is a fairly good predictor of this. Some signs that a hallucination is taking place include when your loved one is:

  • Talking to themselves as if responding to questions or comments, but not in a conversational way, such as: “Where did I put my purse?”
  • Staring into space, or being distracted or preoccupied.
  • Laughing for no apparent reason.
  • Appearing to see something that you can’t see.

Hallucinations and delusions often start out as benign, but can become more troubling over time.

People can learn to deal with hallucinations through therapy (including cognitive behavioral therapy), medication, ignoring the hallucination, telling the voices to leave them alone or playing music loudly. Shifting attention to music or television can help.  Working toward acceptance through prayer also helps.

Principles to Keep in Mind

When you are dealing with a loved one who seems delusional or may be having auditory or visual hallucinations, there are some basic principles to keep in mind.

While the things they say that they see, hear or believe are not apparent to you and may not make sense, they are very real to that person. They actually hear voices and see images.  They believe the things they are telling you. Do not dismiss or minimize the impact of this. Do not get into an argument about whether the voices are real.

Research shows that confronting people about their delusions may result in an initial decrease of belief in them, followed by a rebound that makes the belief in the delusion stronger.  This discredits you. If you are forced to take a stand on this situation, just say that you know the experience is true for them.

People, particularly those who have been in treatment for some time, may not be entirely convinced that the delusion or hallucination is true.  They know that this can be a symptom of their illness.  If they check with you to see if what they are seeing or hearing is true, you can tell them that it is likely that this is a trick that their mind is playing or whatever term is comfortable for them.

Respond to the Emotional State

A variety of emotional states accompany delusions and hallucinations, ranging from pleasure to terror. It’s more important to respond to the emotional state you detect than to the content of the delusion or hallucination.  Use listening skills like paraphrasing and asking clarifying questions to reflect what you hear. Ask: “What can I do to help you feel safe?”

You can ask if the person is seeing or hearing something. Try to get enough information to determine how they are feeling and focus on that.

Do not make fun of the person or try to have a lengthy conversation about the content of the hallucination.

Keep in mind that your statements may be confusing to the person as well.  If a voice is saying that you are going to kill him, and you are saying everything is fine.  You see the problem.

This is the first of a series on handling the symptoms of mental illness with your loved one. Next time: responding to agitation and hypomania. As always, if you can get advice from the medical team treating your loved one, use that advice instead.

When God Feels Gone

 “The Lord has hidden himself from his people, but I trust him and place my hope in him.”

Isaiah 8:17

God is as real as the Sun, even when we only sense His presence half the time. As caregivers for people suffering from mental illnesses, we all know it’s easier to worship when things are great.

I have had times, usually during or after a mental illness episode in my family, when I feel that God has abandoned me … or doesn’t exist at all.

In “The Purpose-Driven Life,” Rick Warren, whose son died from mental illness, tells us that the deepest level of worship is praising God while you are in pain. When you thank Him during a trial. Trust Him when tempted. Love Him when He seems distant.

God can … and does … mature our relationship with Him during periods of seeming separation, often called dark nights of the soul. When this happens, we have to decide to continue to love, obey and worship God.

David had one of the closest relationships with God recorded in the Bible. God called the shepherd/king “a man after my own heart.”  But the Psalms that he wrote often contain his complaints about a dark night of the soul.

Psalm 10: 1 “Lord, why are you standing aloof and far away?  Why do you hide when I need you the most?”

Psalm 22:1  “Why have you forsaken me? Why do you remain so distant?  Why do you ignore my cries for help, Lord?”

Psalm 43:2 “Why have you abandoned me, God?”

No, God hasn’t abandoned us.  But if a dark night of the soul was this hard for David … and for Mother Teresa … and for Therese of Liseux, it will be hard for us.

God has promised repeatedly, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”  (Hebrews 13:5) But does God promise that we will always feel Him with us? No.

It comes on in many ways. One day you pray, and it feels off. You can’t sense God in your quiet time. You have your small group pray for you, but nothing changes. How long will it last? For Mother Teresa, it went on for roughly 50 years, with some breaks. And learning of this after her death in the writings she left behind … well, it shocked everyone who knew her.

Why would God want to distance Himself from Mother Teresa? Or David? Or you, especially as you struggle to deal with a loved one who has a mental illness?

Because He loves us and He wants us to deepen our faith. This dark night of the soul happens to most Christians, thankfully not usually for 50 years. But it may happen more than once.

When God seems gone, we have to make a choice. Either we say “I still believe. Help my unbelief” or we say “God is no good.”

Clearly Mother Teresa chose to stay faithful. That’s why no one knew about her suffering. (She even wanted the letters that contained this information burned at her death. But someone read them and kept them to share.)

You may think God is singling you out, punishing you. The dark night of the soul is no more your fault than the mental illness is. Sin does distance us from God, but this experience usually isn’t connected to any sin. Sometime’s it’s a test of faith.

In his book, “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality,” author Pete Scazzero calls these periods of distance from God “the wall.” He defines this as affiliated with “a crisis that turns our world upside down.” John of the Cross said these times can come to free us from our deepest sins, like pride, greed and envy.

But often experiencing this has nothing to do with sin. It is a test of faith to see if we will continue to love, trust, obey and worship God without a sense of his presence. 

So what do you do?

Scazzero mostly suggests that you keep up your spiritual practices. Warren has four recommendations:

  1. Tell God exactly how you feel.  Pour out your emotions. 
  2. Focus on who God is – his unchanging nature. : good and loving, all-powerful, in control, notices every detail of my life.
  3. Trust God to keep his promises.  Don’t be troubled by trouble.  When you feel abandoned by God yet continue to trust him despite your feelings, you worship him in the deepest way.
  4. Remember what God has already done for you.

In the end, I’ve always ended up like Simon Peter. “To whom shall I go, Lord? You alone have words of eternal life.” But I find my prayer life and connection to God grows stronger after each one of these experiences.

upset parent

Ten Things to Do When You Fear a Relapse

Because mental illness is often episodic, our loved ones can slide into relapses. You also may hear professionals say your loved one is “decompensating.” Many relapses in major mental illness happen when our loved one stops medication, experiences stress, or abuses alcohol or drugs.

When you see your loved one’s particular set of warning signs, you can take these 10 steps. NAMI, Mental Health America and my own family’s experiences provided resources to create this list.

Ten Steps to Take

  1. Meet as a family to discuss the concerns as soon as possible.  When it’s possible, include the ill person. Explain to him why you are concerned. Describe the specific changes you see in behavior and for how long. Reach a consensus about whether you have a problem or not.
  2. Find out whether the person has been taking medication.Start checking as soon as you see the warning signs if you don’t check every day. If the person lives with you, you can count the pills in their medication bottles daily. If the person has stopped taking medication, talk to them about how to improve compliance. They may agree to increased monitoring or receiving reminders. Notify the treatment team if they have stopped taking medication altogether and won’t resume it.
  3. Determine whether your relative has been abusing drugs and/or alcohol. Check for evidence. Remove alcohol and drugs from the house. This is another topic to discuss with the treatment team.
  4. Evaluate your relative’s stress level. What happened just before these changes happened? Do you see any trigger events?
    • Has he experienced a recent life event that’s stressful?
    • Has there been a significant change in routine over the last two weeks or so?
    • Has there been a change in the treatment plan or team?
    • Have there been conflicts with family, friends, coworkers or others?
    • Has there been a change in an important relationship?
    • Has there been an increase in responsibilities?
    • Did he stop participating in activities he enjoyed?
  5. Check current behavior and circumstances against your loved one’s relapse signature. (The information about that is here.
  6. Some classic trigger events are:
    • Staying up too late or all night.
    • Loss or grief.
    • Conflict among loved ones.
    • A change in the season.
    • PMS.
  7. Ask the relative about the answers in your stress evaluation. If stress has been building, find a way to reduce it:
    • Reduce responsibilities.
    • Reduce work or school hours.
    • Add more leisure time.
    • Get or give a temporary loan to reduce money problems.
  8. Call the psychiatrist and case manager to express your concerns. Consider a medication change.
  9. Keep monitoring but try to keep life normal. Regular routines and family fun help to reduce stress for everyone involved. About all, use your toolbox of support ideas for YOU. Taking time to do things you enjoy will help you stay strong enough to be supportive when needed. When you are not feeling well, it’s easy to stop doing things that are good for you. Here are some ideas:
    • Set aside time for extra sleep.
    • Attend a peer support group.
    • Spend time in nature, like going to a park.
    • Write in a journal.
    • Spend extra time in prayer and meditation.
    • Volunteer.
    • Watch a funny movie or TV show.
  10. Help your loved one think about things to stop doing. This could include staying up late, spending time with people who are not supportive, or drinking.
  11. Check back in a few days. Evaluate the situation. Is it better? Or worse?
tired black woman touching head and looking down

Relapse Prevention: Know the Warning Signs

This month is Mental Health Awareness Month. Some of us are aware of mental illness every waking hour because we have a loved one dealing with it. We dread relapses. To help, I’ve collected information from NAMI, Mental Health America and my own reading/experience.

Recognizing the Early Warning Signs

Mental illness, especially bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and clinical depression, is usually episodic. The symptoms vary over time. When your loved one experiences another episode, it is commonly called a relapse.

Please note: Persistent symptoms that continue despite the stabilization of the illness are not signs of a relapse, but are treatment-resistant symptoms.  If the symptoms get worse, it’s a relapse.

Before the relapse, people often experience changes in their feelings, thoughts and behaviors. These are early warning signs. Studies indicate between 50% and 70% of people experience early warning signs over a period of one to four weeks before a relapse.

Looking for early warning signs allows you to start working with your loved one and his treatment providers to minimize the setback. Because you are the most frequent contact with your loved one, you are the one who sees the warning signs. The ill person will not be able to see them.  This blog post explains why.

Common Warning Signs

Each person has their own specific signs or “relapse signature.” But some warning signs are common, including:

  • Feelings of tension, anxiousness or worries.
  • More irritability.
  • Increased sleep disturbance (hearing them up in the night).
  • Depression.
  • Social withdrawal (more extreme, not even leaving his room to eat).
  • Concentration problems (taking longer to do tasks, having trouble finishing tasks, having trouble following a conversation or TV show).
  • Decreasing or stopping medication or treatment (refusing to go to the case manager or doctor, skipping the vocational program).
  • Eating less or eating more.
  • Excessively high or low energy.
  • Loss of interest in doing things.
  • Loss of interest in the way he or she looks / poor hygiene.
  • Being afraid of “going crazy.”
  • Becoming excessive in religious practices.
  • Feeling bothered by thoughts that will not go away.
  • Feeling overwhelmed by demands.
  • Expressing worries about physical problems.

Most common relapse indicators for schizophrenia:

  • Restless or unsettled sleep.
  • Nervousness or tension.
  • Having a hard time concentrating.
  • Isolation.
  • Feeling irritable.
  • Having trouble taking care of routine things.
  • A lack of energy.
  • Feeling sad or depressed.
  • Feeling confused.
  • A change in appetite.

Most common relapse indicators for bipolar disorder:

  • Disturbed or lack of sleep.
  • Talking quickly and more often than usual.
  • Acting reckless.
  • Feeling very tired.
  • Feeling very depressed.

An Off Day or the Start of a Relapse?

Everyone can have an off day. You can feel down in the dumps, with no energy. Or you can seem a little manic.  If a person has had mental health problems, it’s important to consider whether they are having an off day or starting a relapse.

Early warning signs are:

  • A cluster of changes.
  • Happening together.
  • Lasting over a period of time.
  • Gradually getting worse.
  • Following the same pattern as before.

Your Loved One’s Relapse Signature

Think about the last time your loved one got worse. If you keep a journal, look at what you wrote. It helps to think about:

  • What was the time of year?
  • Did your loved one say how they were feeling physically?
  • How was the mood?  The level of concentration?
  • Did any unusual changes in behavior take place in the weeks before the last relapse?
  • Did your relative do things that seemed “out of character” before the last relapse?
  • Have the same behaviors preceded other relapses?

Thinking about what was happening in the person’s life when you start to notice these changes can help too. 

Next time we’ll talk about what to do when your loved one shows signs of relapse.

Managing Depression and Anxiety

Families who have one or more members with severe, persistent mental illness face unique challenges. Complex family dynamics, social isolation and often unpredictable behavior can take their toll. Other ways that mental health issues impact families include:

  • The family may change its rules or patterns.  The ill person may no longer do chores, and the family may withdraw from social situations.
  • Friends may withdraw from the family.
  • Everyone is walking on eggshells around the person.
  • Family members vent their frustration on non-ill family members.
  • Parents may be stricter with non-struggling children.
  • Family members may blame themselves.
  • Family members may become resentful of the ill person for the disruption the illness has caused.
  • Family members may be ashamed of the ill person’s struggle.

Under these circumstances, the primary caregiver or other family members may develop depression and anxiety. This also impacts the entire family. In fact, the additional stress can be overwhelming. But there is hope. The ideas below come from people who have lived experience, as well as NAMI, Mental Health America and the Veterans Administration.

When You Are Struggling

Learn all you can. If you develop depression or anxiety, learn all you can about the illnesses. Taking good care of yourself is critical to caring for your loved ones. Connect with other people experiencing these issues in support groups or meetings. Attend local mental health conferences and conventions. Build a personal library of useful websites and helpful books. Learning is an active thing you can do that gives you a feeling of control where control is possible. Ideally, you should learn about your loved one’s illness as well as depression and anxiety.

Recognize early symptoms. Identify possible warning signs and triggers that may aggravate your depression or anxiety symptoms. With this knowledge, you can recognize an emerging episode and get the help you need as soon as possible. Don’t be afraid to ask your friends and family for help—they can help you monitor your symptoms and behavior.

Partner with your health care providers. Give your health care provider all the information he or she needs to help you recover—including any reactions to medications, your symptoms or any triggers you notice. Develop trust and communicate openly.

Know what to do in a crisis. Be familiar with your community’s crisis hotline or emergency walk-in center. Know how to contact them and keep the information handy.

Avoid drugs and alcohol. These substances can disturb emotional balance and interact with medications. You may think using alcohol or drugs will help you “perk up,” but using them can hinder your recovery or make symptoms worse.

Eat well and exercise. To relieve stress, try activities like centering prayer, meditation, yoga or Tai Chi.

Deal with unresolved grief.  Do you have a mixture of persistent feelings of sadness, anger and frustration about your loved one’s mental illness?  Seek more help if you know that you are still grieving over the illness.

Helping Another Family Member  

In these circumstances, some family members may develop depression or anxiety. This is a heavy load for a caregiver dealing with another loved one with mental illness. Getting support is essential for you to continue be helpful. Some suggestions include:

Be proactive in keeping the family as strong as possible.

  • Eat, sleep, connect with other people and turn to God.
  • Take a break when needed.
  • Go places as a family even if the ill person does not go.
  • Encourage all family members to continue with regular activities.
  • Know some days are better than others, and all things pass.
  • Consider family therapy.

Learn more about your loved one’s condition. Learning about depression and anxiety will help you better understand and support your loved one.  They do not need to “hit bottom” to get better. In many cases, hitting bottom means suicide.

Communicate.  Speak kindly and honestly. Don’t scold or blame people with depression or urge them to “try harder” to “just be happy.” Instead, make specific offers of help and follow through with those offers. Tell the person you care about them. Ask them how they feel and truly listen.

React calmly and rationally. You can’t fix the person, but you can walk with them through this time. Even if your family member or friend is in a crisis, it’s important to remain calm. Listen to their concerns and make them feel understood—then take the next step toward getting help.

Find emotional support from others. Share your thoughts, fears and questions with other people who have loved ones with similar conditions. If they won’t get help, you should.

Schedule pleasant events and encourage an increased activity level.  Assist your loved one in making plans at specific times and dates to do something pleasant … a walk in the park, a movie, etc.

Correct unhelpful thinking. Help your loved one challenge thoughts about how things “should” be.  You need to learn about cognitive distortions and how to gently help a loved one to understand them.   I recommend reading  “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” or “The Feeling Good Handbook,” both by David D. Burns.

Dealing With Anxiety

Note: The information in this post comes from NAMI, Mental Health America and the Veterans Administration.

Anxiety is the most common form of mental illness in the U.S., affecting 14% of the population before the pandemic. The KFF Health Tracking Poll from June 2020 reported that the number had risen to 40% of adults during 2020. Typically, the National Institutes of Health reports that 18% of adults and 8% of children and teenagers have anxiety.

Anxiety disorders are a group of related conditions, each with unique symptoms. All the types of anxiety disorders do have three major things in common:

  1. Extreme fear and dread, even when there is nothing to provoke it
  2. Emotional distress that affects daily life
  3. A tendency to avoid situations that bring on anxiety

Anxiety also can be an early warning sign of a relapse in other forms of mental illness, including schizophrenia.

Symptoms

People suffering from anxiety disorders typically experience one or more of the following symptoms:

  • Mood and thinking:  Worry or concern, fear, irritability, or difficulty concentrating.
  • Behavior:  Avoidance of feared situations, escape from unpleasant situations, trembling, and agitation (such as pacing)
  • Increased arousal: Perspiration, heart palpitations, muscular tension, butterflies in stomach, mild nausea, dizziness, shortness of breath, headaches, sweating, tremors or twitches, frequent urination, diarrhea, insomnia and fatigue

The most common types of anxiety disorders include:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

GAD produces chronic, exaggerated worrying about everyday life. This worrying can consume hours each day, making it hard to concentrate or finish daily tasks. A person with GAD may become exhausted by worry and experience headaches, tension or nausea.

Social Anxiety Disorder

More than shyness, this disorder causes intense fear about social interaction, often driven by irrational worries about humiliation (e.g. saying something stupid or not knowing what to say). Someone with social anxiety disorder may not take part in conversations, contribute to class discussions or offer their ideas, and may become isolated. Panic attacks are a common reaction to anticipated or forced social interaction.

Panic Disorder

This disorder is characterized by panic attacks and sudden feelings of terror sometimes striking repeatedly and without warning. Often mistaken for a heart attack, a panic attack causes powerful physical symptoms including chest pain, heart palpitations, dizziness, shortness of breath and stomach upset.

Phobias

We all tend to avoid certain things or situations that make us uncomfortable or even fearful. But for someone with a phobia, certain places, events or objects create powerful reactions of strong, irrational fear. Most people with specific phobias have several things that can trigger those reactions. To avoid panic, they will work hard to avoid their triggers. Depending on the type and number of triggers, attempts to control fear can take over a person’s life.

Causes of Anxiety Disorders

Scientists believe that many factors combine to cause anxiety disorders:

  • Genetics.  Studies support the evidence that anxiety disorders “run in families,” as some families have a higher-than-average amount of anxiety disorders among relatives.
  • Environment. A stressful or traumatic event such as abuse, death of a loved one, violence or prolonged illness is often linked to the development of an anxiety disorder.

Diagnosis

Physical symptoms of an anxiety disorder can be easily confused with other medical conditions, like heart disease or hyperthyroidism. Therefore, a doctor will likely perform an evaluation involving a physical examination, an interview and lab tests. After ruling out an underlying physical illness, a doctor may refer a person to a mental health professional for evaluation.

Treatment

Because different anxiety disorders have their own distinct symptoms, each type has its own treatment plan. Common types of treatment include:

Helping Ourselves

Leading a balanced lifestyle helps us manage symptoms. The suggestions from people who have lived experience with anxiety are similar to those who live with depression:

Learn all you can. Learn about your loved one’s mental illness, our own anxiety, and the many treatment options available. Connect with other people experiencing anxiety in support groups or meetings. Attend local conferences and conventions. Build a personal library of useful websites and helpful books. Learning is an active thing we can do that gives us a feeling of control.

Recognize early symptoms. Identify possible warning signs and triggers that may aggravate your symptoms.

Partner with your health care providers. Give your health care provider all the information he or she needs to help you recover—including any reactions to medications, your symptoms or any triggers you notice. Develop trust and communicate openly.

Avoid drugs and alcohol.

Get physically healthy.

Anxiety is common. Especially in difficult times. As a caregiver of a person with a mental illness, you are likely to experience it occasionally. Be sure to take it seriously. You have to help yourself first before you can help the people you love.

hand coming up from water

Dealing With Depression

Depression and anxiety are now wide-spread problems stemming from the coronavirus pandemic. But caregivers of people with mental illness have often suffered from these issues.

On February 21, 2021, the New York Times published an American Psychological Association poll that said 74 percent of psychologists are seeing more patients with anxiety disorders than before pandemic. Sixty percent were seeing more people with depression. Time Magazine also published this on the increase in depression.

First the good news.

Almost all depression and anxiety conditions are treatable.  But there is no magic fix. These are very complex conditions.  Depression and increased anxiety also can be signs that a person with a more severe diagnosis, such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, is heading into an episode. Let’s take a look at depression first.

Depression … what it is and who gets it

Depression can result from a combination of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors, the Veterans Administration website reports. Trauma, loss of a loved one, a difficult relationship, or any stressful situation may trigger depression, but depression can also occur without an obvious trigger.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, an estimated 16 million American adults—almost 7% of the population—had at least one major depressive episode in a non-pandemic year. Women are 70% more likely than men to experience depression. And young adults aged 18–25 are 60% more likely to have depression than people aged 50 or older.

Depression is frequently under-diagnosed, however. Psychologists estimate that only about one-third (35%) of people with depression ever see a mental health professional.

The Veterans Administration reports that military personnel are prone to depression, at least partially as a result of exposure to traumatic experiences, including witnessing combat and separation from family during deployment or military trainings. Data shows it is five time higher among active duty soldiers and even higher among the previously deployed solders.

Some will only experience one depressive episode in a lifetime, but for most, depressive disorder recurs.

Without treatment, episodes may last a few months to several years.

Symptoms of Depression

Depression can present different symptoms, depending on the person. But for most people, depressive disorder changes how they function day-to-day, and typically for more than two weeks. Common symptoms include:

  • Changes in sleep
  • Changes in appetite
  • Lack of concentration
  • Loss of energy
  • Lack of interest in activities
  • Hopelessness or guilty thoughts
  • Changes in movement (less activity or agitation)
  • Physical aches and pains
  • Suicidal thoughts

We are not capable of diagnosing depression, but we can use the SIGECAPS diagnostic tool to determine whether someone should see a doctor. If a person has five or more of these 8 symptoms every day for two weeks, they are likely struggling with a major depression.

SIGECAPS Diagnostic Tool

  • SADNESS / SLEEP INTERRUPTION
  • INTERESTS … lost interest in things that used to enjoy
  • GUILT … ruminating over past perceived failures, character flaws, mistakes
  • ENERGY … noticeable lack of it
  • CONCENTRATION … inability to
  • APPETITE … could be eating more or eating less
  • PSYCHOMOTOR ABNORMALITIES … retardation (slowed speech, slowed movement, shuffling gait, collapsed posture, low voice volume, monotone speech, lack of facial expressions) or agitation (pacing, wringing hands, removing and putting on clothing over and over,
  • SUICIDAL … actively (with a plan), passively (stopped caring whether they live or die) and para (cutting or overdoses that the person knows won’t kill them … a cry for help)

Causes of Depression

Depression does not have a single cause. It can be triggered by a life crisis, physical illness or something else. But it can also occur spontaneously. Scientists believe several factors can contribute to depression:

  • Trauma. When people experience trauma at an early age, it can cause long-term changes in how their brains respond to fear and stress. These changes may lead to depression.
  • Genetics. Mood disorders, such as depression, tend to run in families.
  • Life circumstances. Marital status, relationship changes, financial standing and where a person lives influence whether a person develops depression.
  • Brain changes. Imaging studies have shown that the frontal lobe of the brain becomes less active when a person is depressed. Depression is also associated with changes in how the pituitary gland and hypothalamus respond to hormone stimulation.
  • Other medical conditions. People who have a history of sleep disturbances, medical illness, chronic pain, anxiety and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are more likely to develop depression. Some medical syndromes (like hypothyroidism) can mimic depressive disorder. Some medications can also cause symptoms of depression.
  • Drug and alcohol abuse.  About one-third of people with substance abuse problems also have depression. This requires coordinated treatment for both conditions, as alcohol can worsen symptoms.

Treatments for Depression

After an assessment rules out medical and other possible causes, a patient-centered treatment plans can include any or a combination of the following:

  • Psychotherapy including cognitive behavioral therapy, family-focused therapy and interpersonal therapy.
    • Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has a strong research base to show it helps with symptoms of depression. This therapy helps assess and change negative thinking patterns associated with depression. The goal of this structured therapy is to recognize negative thoughts and to teach coping strategies. CBT is often time-limited and may be limited to 8–16 sessions in some instances. 
    • Interpersonal therapy (IPT) focuses on improving problems in personal relationships and other changes in life that may be contributing to depressive disorder. Therapists teach individuals to evaluate their interactions and to improve how they relate to others. IPT is often time-limited like CBT.
    • Psychodynamic therapy is a therapeutic approach rooted in recognizing and understanding negative patterns of behavior and feelings that are rooted in past experiences and working to resolve them. Looking at a person’s unconscious processes is another component of this psychotherapy. It can be done in short-term or longer-term modes. 
  • Medications including antidepressants, mood stabilizers and antipsychotic medications.
  • Exercise can help with prevention and mild-to-moderate symptoms.
  • Psychoeducation and support groups
  • Brain stimulation therapies can be tried if psychotherapy and/or medication are not effective. These include electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) for depressive disorder with psychosis or repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS) for severe depression.
    • Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) involves transmitting short electrical impulses into the brain. ECT does cause some side effects, including memory loss. Individuals should understand the risks and benefits of this intervention before beginning a treatment trial.
    • Repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (rTMS) is a relatively new type of brain stimulation that uses a magnet instead of an electrical current to activate the brain. It is not effective as a maintenance treatment.
  • Light therapy, which uses a light box to expose a person to full spectrum light in an effort to regulate the hormone melatonin.
  • Alternative approaches including acupuncture, meditation and nutrition can be part of a comprehensive treatment plan, but do not yet have strong scientific backing.

Major Depressive Disorder with a Seasonal Pattern

Major Depressive Disorder with a Seasonal Pattern (formerly known as seasonal affective disorder, or SAD) is characterized by recurrent episodes of depression in late fall and winter, alternating with periods of normal mood the rest of the year.

Researchers at the National Institute of Mental Health were the first to suggest this condition was a response to decreased light and experimented with the use of bright light to address the symptoms. Scientists have identified that the neurotransmitter serotonin may not be working optimally in many people who experience this disorder.

The prevalence of this condition appears to vary with latitude, age and sex:

  • Prevalence increases among people living in higher/northern latitudes.
  • Younger persons are at higher risk.
  • Women are more likely than men to experience this condition.

Symptoms

This disorder’s most common presentation is of an atypical depression. With classic depression, people tend to lose weight and sleep less. This condition is the kind of atypical depression often seen in bipolar disorder—people tend to gain weight and sleep more.

Although not everyone experiences all the following symptoms, the classic characteristics of Major Depressive Disorder with a Seasonal Pattern include:

  • Hypersomnia (or oversleeping)
  • Daytime fatigue
  • Overeating
  • Weight gain
  • Craving carbohydrates

Many people may experience other symptoms as well, including:

  • Decreased sexual interest
  • Lethargy
  • Hopelessness
  • Suicidal thoughts
  • Lack of interest in usual activities and decreased socialization

Diagnosis

The key to an accurate diagnose of this condition is recognizing its pattern. Symptoms usually begin in October/November and subside in March/April. Some people begin to experience a “slump” as early as August, while others remain well until January. Regardless of the time of onset, most people don’t feel fully “back to normal” until early May.

For a diagnosis to be made, this pattern of onset and remission must have occurred during at least a two-year period, without the occurrence of any non-seasonal episodes during that same period.

This means you will not receive this diagnosis the first time you experience symptoms. If you believe you may have a seasonal depressive pattern, it’s important to pay attention to the pattern. Track your symptoms, noting when they begin and when they subside. This self-awareness can help. Mental health professionals will ask you about your observations and also your family history since mood disorders tend to run in families.

Treatment

As with most depressive disorders, the best treatment includes a combination of antidepressant medications, cognitive behavioral therapy and exercise. Unlike other depressive disorders, this condition can also be treated with light therapy. Light therapy consists of regular, daily exposure to a “light box,” which artificially simulates high-intensity sunlight.

If you know you have a seasonal pattern, ask yourself “How can I plan for this?” Because this disorder has a specific pattern, those who experience it can prepare for its arrival in the following ways, for example:

  • Exercise more toward the end of summer
  • Get into therapy around September
  • Start your lightbox in October
  • Plan a vacation to a sunny spot in January

Where Should We Set Boundaries?

Caring for a loved one with mental illness creates life burdens. Here are just a few:

  • Helping the loved one in a crisis while trying to meet the needs of other family members
  • Dealing with family disagreements about what to do
  • Dealing with family members in various states of acceptance of the illness
  • Finding the best ways to deal with “negative symptoms” or residual symptoms, such withdrawal, silence, inability to have a conversation, irritability, resistance to treatment
  • Trying to get information you need from providers
  • Serving as the “real” case manager for the loved one
  • Staying alert to signs of decompensation and relapse
  • Dealing with your own anxiety about relapse and other horrible things that could happen
  • Balancing earning a living with caring for your loved one
  • Managing the impact of your loved one on your marriage and other family relationships
  • Dealing with financial issues and plans for future care

Setting boundaries, as we’ve said before, is for your own good and your loved one’s good in this challenging life circumstance. Here are some possible areas where you may need to set them:

  • Financial support
  • Whether or not you are willing to co-sign documents
  • Your loved one’s ability to live in your home
  • How much practical help you can provide (meals, budgeting or handling money, grocery shopping, transportation, etc.)
  • Household chores you expect your loved one to do
  • Personal hygiene requirements
  • Disruptive behaviors (refusing to follow house rules, playing music or videos too loudly, etc.)
  • Use of tobacco, alcohol and/or street drugs in your home
  • Gambling
  • Attending medical appointments
  • Taking prescribed medications

Establishing boundaries is one of the most thoughtful things you do. It is also one of the most difficult.

The best way I’ve found is to pick out one or two of the most troublesome behaviors. Assign consequences for violations of these boundaries. Clearly communicate this to your loved one. Be consistent in enforcing them.

no trespassing signs indicating boundaries

Yes, You Are Allowed to Set Boundaries

Note: The material below is based on information in Chapter 8 of “When You’re the Caregiver: 12 Things To Do If Someone You Care For Is Ill Or Incapacitated” by James. E. Miller. (Courtesy VA/AMI)

When you are helping to care for a loved one who has a life-limiting disability, including mental illness, you still need boundaries. The three principles for those boundaries are:

  1. You have a right to be safe and comfortable in your own home.

Violence and aggressive behavior, whether it is a symptom of mental illness or not, is never acceptable.

2. You need to establish boundaries for your own good.

Yes, it’s true – the other needs you. Yes, you can help, and yes, you may find meaning in doing that. But, no, you don’t have to do it all. And, no, you don’t have to do it to your own detriment. If you’re not careful, you’ll soon be on your way to exhaustion and burnout.

Some boundaries for you to set are physical. Some things are simply too strenuous for you. Some hours are too long for you to keep. Some chores you cannot continue to perform without relief.

Other boundaries are emotional. If you identify too completely with the other’s pain, fear or other strong emotions, you are in danger of making them your own. Your responsibility is to handle only one person’s feelings: your own.

Setting limits to your caregiving will make room for other caregivers. Family members and friends may wish to share in these duties. It’s one way they can cope with what has happened, and one way they can show their love.

Setting boundaries eliminates the need for arguments and criticism. It also makes dealing with issues easier and settles your mind. You have made the decision already. You don’t have to think it through every time.

3. You need to establish boundaries for the other person’s good. One way you can respect the other is to give them their own space. They need their privacy just as before – perhaps to read or meditate or write or just look out the window. If you do not provide for this solitary time, the one in your care may not have the strength or the heart to seek it.

The other person needs the freedom to do things on their own as a matter of self- esteem, and perhaps for continued recovery. If you insist on doing too much, the other has too little opportunity to flex their muscles. And there are several kinds of muscles they may need to flex.

Good boundaries give the other this added benefit: you can be a more objective presence in their life. Your insight can be more accurate and your feedback can be more useful.

All in all, establishing boundaries is one of the most thoughtful things you can do. It can even draw you closer together. And it is one of the most difficult things to do.

Use LEAP to Help Your Loved One Get Treatment

How to get a loved one with mental illness to accept treatment? One path has the research to prove itself reliable: the LEAP method developed by Dr. Xavier Amador.

So many people with mental illness have a brain-based inability to understand that they are sick. Dr. Amador, whose brother had schizophrenia, developed the LEAP method to overcome this.

LEAP stands for:

  • Listen
  • Empathize
  • Agree
  • Partner

Listening begins with dealing with your own fears.

If you know what you are afraid of hearing, it can help you to stay on the LEAP path and not become reactive.

Instead concentrate on what your loved one says. Do not try to follow your own agenda for the conversation. Instead, repeat to the person what you think they are saying. Ask questions instead of making statements in response. Be open to having your loved one correct you.

If your loved one asks for your opinion, delay answering three times. One way to delay is to say: “I’m more interested in what you think about this” or “What I think doesn’t matter as much as what you think.”

Once you have delayed three times, you can answer the question. Start by apologizing, as in “I hope this doesn’t upset you.” Tell them that you could be wrong and that you want to agree to disagree, if necessary.

Good examples of this are found on the LEAP Foundations video page here.

Empathize with your loved one’s feelings.

You don’t have to agree with a delusion. But arguing against it is pointless. It’s all real to your loved one.

So response by normalizing. When they tell you that they are terrified by the voices or the delusions, say: “I think I would feel that way, too.”

It’s not hard to feel empathy for a person who is in torment. So allow yourself to do so.

Let your loved one set the pace of the discussion. Don’t push them.

Agree, and agree to disagree.

What you have heard gives you information that you can use to move into discussing treatment. Your loved one may not think that they have a mental illness. But they may want to sleep better. Or to feel less anxious. Or to be less afraid.

Approach treatment from this perspective: Offer to partner with them to deal with the problems that your loved one thinks they DO have. They don’t want to see a psychiatrist because you think they have schizophrenia. They may be willing to see a doctor to get help sleeping better.

You can agree to disagree. “I don’t you don’t want to go to a doctor. But that’s the only way we can get the medicine to help you sleep.” You can also suggest peer groups, therapy and community services as next steps.

You also can try to correct misinformation gently and with love.

Partner by helping your loved one feel safe and in control.

Move from agreement on a goal to partnering to get the help needed. You may need to cycle through the LEAP steps more than once.

Phases that help your loved one feel safe and in control include:

  • Would you mind if I …
  • I can see why you feel that way.
  • Would this be all right?
  • Can we make this call together?
  • I’d be happy to go with you.

Dr. Amador’s book – “I’m Not Sick. I Don’t Need Help!” — has been a lifesaver, literally, for many families. A link to a PDF is here. I highly recommend reading it and watching the videos linked above.

cup with words "be strong"

How to Avoid Becoming Codependent

“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.”

J.R.R. Tolkien

This is true.  Caregiving for a beloved person who has a mental illness is so tough.  It’s easy for the situation to consume your life. You do need to take the issues of your loved one into your calculations about how you live your life.

This can make you codependent and a little crazy, or it can make you stronger and closer to God than you imagined.  Life will be better for your loved one if you avoid codependency.

Need to take your life back?

One of the best books of practical advice I’ve read is “Stop Walking on Eggshells” by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger.  It’s written for people who have a loved one with Borderline Personality Disorder, but the advice is good for anyone who is feeling overwhelmed by another person’s behavior. I’ve also used “Codependent No More” by Melodie Beattie.

These books and my own experiences are reflected in this post.

Caretaking is different from caregiving.  Caregiving includes the recognition that we have to take care of ourselves first.

Caretaking develops when the caregiver’s life has become unmanageable as a result of a close relationship with another person. The caretaker makes sacrifices that are unhealthy and unbalanced. When someone asks how you are, you tell them how your loved one is. You are trying (and failing) to control your loved one’s behavior. You think about your loved one obsessively. 

The truth comes down to two basic facts:

  • You are not able to control your loved one.
  • You do control yourself.

True Christian sacrificial love means that the sacrifice comes out of life, not fear or need. Take care not to spiral into another person’s distorted world. Yet you can still listen carefully to find out what the person is really upset about.

What they say may not make sense to you, but it makes sense to them. Using your listening skills, you can find places where you both agree. Not sleeping at night is hard. Hearing voices is scary. Being worried about being followed by the FBI and space aliens is also scary.

More information about the LEAP method of communications that, research shows, works best with people with mental illness is here.

holding hands

Create a Healing Environment

Creating a low-stress, healing environment can help our loved ones with mental illness.  This post contains information from “Helpful Family Attitudes and Skills” by Dr. Christopher Anderson and “Guidelines for Creating a Low-Stress Home Environment for a Mentally Ill Person” by Dr. Brian D. Eck.

Three Key Principles 

Accept the person as ill. This is simple to say but difficult to do. The grief over a dramatic reduction in functioning is never totally resolved. Both the patient and the family cling to old images and false hopes of what the ill person could have been if he had not been afflicted with the illness. To be helpful, families should greet patients where they are, love them as they are, and promote growth that is in line with their current condition. Specifically:

  1. Mourn the loss, but not in the presence of your relative.
  2. Never discuss what he was or what he could have been in front of him.
  3. Avoid comparisons to peers.

Attribute symptoms to the illness. It’s an impossible task, but families must attempt to be objective and calm when the loved one’s brain is causing bad behavior.  This includes times when the loved one is screaming that he hates you because you are poisoning him. Our culture is more likely to attribute behavior to an illness when the person has Alzheimer’s or brain cancer.  Even when the behavior is completely unacceptable and must be restrained, such as violence, it is likely due to the illness.

Include the person in the family. Families often subtly exclude loved ones with mental illness from the family.  Examples include:

  • Not discussing the loved one with friends when they discuss their other children.
  • Not inviting other people to their home when the loved one is present.
  • Not altering family gatherings so the loved one may be included for at least part of the event.
  • Not including the loved one in family portraits.
  • Not asking the loved one to help you do things.

Creating a Healing Environment

Recognize that the illness is no one’s fault.

Understand the limits of the illness and the extent of the person’s control over his behavior.

Go slow! Recovery and growth take time. Rest is important.

Keep it simple and structured. People with mental illness do better with structure and predictable routines. Home life should have a consistent rhythm with change as seldom and gradual as possible.

Keep it calm. For the most part, try to keep the environment quiet with calm voices and limited stimulation.

Give people space. Private time and space are important for everyone.

Set limits. Have clear and appropriate expectations. Everyone needs to know what the rules are. A few good rules that are consistently enforced will help keep things calm.

Ignore what you cannot change. Let some things slide. Do not ignore violence.

Speak simply Say what you have to say clearly, calmly, and positively. When you address them, your loved ones will most likely respond only to the first couple sentences that you say to them at one time.

Offer praise and encouragement. Try to be sure that you have at least a ratio of four positive interactions to one negative or challenging interaction.

Follow doctor’s orders.  Encourage your family members to take their medications as prescribed and only those that are prescribed. If you can, have them sign a release of information so that you and the doctor can discuss your family member’s treatment program.

Carry on your business as usual. Reestablish routines as quickly as possible when they are disrupted.

No street drugs or alcohol. Emphasize that illegal drugs and alcohol make symptoms worse.

Recognize early signs of relapse. Learn what changes you will see in your family member’s symptoms and behaviors, especially those which usually occur just before a relapse. Contact their care team when you see the changes.

Find a way for the person to learn life skills.

Solve problems step by step. Work on one thing at a time and be patient as they learn from the consequences of their behavior. Let them experience the non-dangerous consequences of their choices.

Offer opportunities to meet their needs Offer opportunities to have major personal, social, activity, and competence needs met.

It’s National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month

The pandemic and systemic racism has caused so much angst this summer.  So it’s important to talk about National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month.

The House of Representatives started this annual observation in 2008 in honor of mental health advocate and writer Bebe Moore Campbell.

The Department of Health and Human Services is highlighting its free and accredited e-learning program: Improving Cultural Competency for Behavioral Health Professionals. This program is part of the Office of Mental Health’s Think Cultural Health E-learning courses.

Despite advances in health equity, disparities in mental health care persist. The Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality reports that racial and ethnic minority groups in the United States are:

  • Less likely to have access to mental health services.
  • Less likely to use community mental health services.
  • More likely to use emergency departments.
  • More likely to receive lower quality care.

All this adds up to poor mental health outcomes, including suicide. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) and the CDC:

  • In 2017, 10.5% (3.5 million) of young adults age 18 to 25 had serious thoughts of suicide including 8.3% of non-Hispanic blacks and 9.2% of Hispanics.
  • In 2017, 7.5% (2.5 million) of young adults age 18 to 25 had a serious mental illness including 7.6% of non-Hispanic Asians, 5.7% of Hispanics and 4.6% of non-Hispanic blacks.
  • Feelings of anxiety and other signs of stress may become more pronounced during a global pandemic.
  • People in some racial and ethnic minority groups may respond more strongly to the stress of a pandemic or crisis.

 

A Dozen Ways to Love Someone With Mental Illness

It takes enormous courage and determination to live positively with a serious mental illness. But it can happen.  And we can help.  We can respect and protect our loved one’s deep vulnerability.

Here are a dozen ways to offer that support, based on material from NAMI’s Family-to-Family program.

  1. Don’t nag or criticize.  People who have a mental illness are unable to defend themselves against a direct personal attack.  Despite irritation, try to be supportive. Keep negative and nagging remarks to a minimum.
  2. Don’t push or punish.  It doesn’t work.  It will be hard on both of you.  And it is highly correlated to decompensation and relapse.
  3. Praise positive behavior and ignore negative behavior. This is the best way to influence your loved one’s behavior is to praise the positive.  Studies show your loved one will want to perform the behaviors that earn them recognition and approval.
  4. Learn to recognize and accept symptoms.  We wouldn’t get furious if a person with epilepsy had a seizure.  So we need to accept that some behaviors are the direct result of the illness.  Don’t argue with delusions.  Don’t try to talk someone out of a clinic depression.  Also, help your loved one understand that symptoms are not their fault, but part of the illness.  Some symptoms can be controlled with treatment, including medications.
  5. Stand up to the stigma.  People with mental illness are not bad people.  They are people with a bad disease.  They are not trying to embarrass or anger us.
  6. Lower your expectations for your relationship.  Then lower them again. People with mental illness do not have the capacity to provide emotional support to us. Get help from other places.
  7. Treat them like other people.  At the same time, set basic rules and limits for the whole family.  Structure is almost always helpful.
  8. Encourage steps toward independence.  When your loved one is ready, encourage them to take small steps toward being more independent.  But keep your expectations reasonable.
  9. Don’t dwell on “what might have been.”  Accept the illness.  Still, don’t give up hope.  We need to tell our loved ones that the illness can make things difficult.  But a happy life is still possible.  People do adapt.  Some people actually get much better.
  10. Be patient in health, as well as in sickness. When our loved ones improve, stay patient and loving. It takes time to develop a lifestyle that protects them from becoming ill again.
  11. Be gentle with yourself and others in the family.  This is a marathon, not a sprint. Mental illness is often cyclical, so things will get better, then worse and then better again.
  12. Pray for grace.  Ask for tolerance, compassion, endurance and self-control.  Sometimes only God can give you the attitude you need.

Understand the Inner Life of a Loved One With Mental Illness

Have you ever gone 24 hours without sleep? 48 hours? How did you feel?  How did you look?

Dozed off for a second, awakened with a start and didn’t know where you were?  Lost your sunglasses or car keys and no matter what you did, you couldn’t find them?   Gone driving down a road when your sense of direction got mixed up? Had a song stuck in your head that would not go away? How would you feel if that song stayed for a month or more?

Now let’s put three or more of these items together.  Say you’d hadn’t slept for three days, you heard the same music going on and on in your head, and you couldn‘t find your keys.  How would you feel?

That thought experiment gives you just a hint of the inner life of a person with mental illness. Even in remission and even when properly medicated, chronic mental illness leaves its sufferers in a devastating limbo.

Many people with mental illness are effectively cut off from the predictable, rewarding, self-fulfilling live involvements that make existence meaningful.  They suffer deeply from their inability to be competent and successful in their daily lives.

This threatens our loved ones’ psychological integrity.  It sets up a process where they feel they must protect their “core self” at all cost.

Many behaviors that result – refusing medication, rejecting family support and community programs and disrupting family life, for example – don’t make sense to us. Yet they are directly related to their struggle to maintain some dignity and self-respect in the face of stigma, failure and shame.

Psychological traumas are associated with any serious chronic illness.

 Whenever a person has a serious chronic illness …. COPD, emphysema, chronic heart disease, or a mental illness … two things happen to the sense of self.

First, they lose their protective belief that they are exempt from harm. Much of our sense of safety and willingness to take risks rests on a belief that serious harm or real trouble will never happen to us.  Young people especially still have this sense. Second, they lose their sense of a predictable, dependable future.

This results in some common defensive coping strategies.

These are self-management techniques that are basically maladaptive.  They don’t help people get what they really want, but they do provide temporary psychological refuge when confidence and self-image are taking a nose-dive.

  • Abusive criticism of others
  • Anger and attack
  • Apathy
  • Bargaining
  • Blaming others
  • Controlling or manipulative behavior
  • Defensiveness
  • Denial
  • Dependency
  • Doing nothing
  • Drug and alcohol abuse
  • Envy
  • Excessive sleeping
  • Haughtiness
  • Irritability
  • Quitting a job
  • Refusing help or services
  • Refusing medication
  • Rejection of family and friends
  • Resistance to change
  • Running away
  • Self-absorption
  • Suspicion
  • Withdrawal

From time to time in daily life, all of us will use one or more of these behaviors.  If we are criticized at work … snubbed by someone we thought was a friend … having a fight at home … we may use one of these behaviors if we feel momentarily crushed.  We complain or attack.  We “need a drink.” We get fed up and call in sick.

For us, these responses happen when we feel temporarily defeated.  We normally pull out of them quickly.  We turn to our social and personal life structure, finding comfort and reassurance.

The situation for people with mental illness is drastically different. Their social and personal life is vastly diminished. They often face poverty, stigma, disability, joblessness and social rejection. They are trapped in a runaway train going the wrong way.

The negative coping strategies become a familiar and reliable way to protect themselves from becoming even more diminished.

 

Mental Illness: Chronic Illness Has Predictable Reactions

Mental illness is a chronic illness with life changing impact. Even when a person is properly medicated, in treatment and in remission, mental illness puts its sufferers in a devastating limbo.  Let’s consider what it could be like:

  • Have you ever gone without sleep for one night? 48 hours? Longer?
  • Have you ever woken up, startled and not sure where you were?
  • Have you lost your keys or your glasses and couldn’t find them?
  • Has a song been running through your head for a couple of hours?  A day? A week?

Remember how you felt in these circumstances.  Irritable, frantic or close to screaming? What if it all happened at once?

Thinking about this can give us some empathy for people with mental illness.  Furthermore, many people who have brain-based mental illness are effectively cut off from predictable and rewarding life experiences.  They suffer from their inability to competently do things that they could do before.

This life-constriction threatens our loved ones’ psychological integrity.  This sets up a process where people with mental illnesses feel they must protect themselves at all costs.  They struggle to maintain some dignity and self-respect in the face of stigma, failure and shame. Still, the behaviors that result — refusing medication, rejecting family and community support, and disrupting family life — do not make sense to us.

Whenever a person has a serious chronic illness, such as COPD, emphysema, chronic heart disease or mental illness, two things happen to their sense of self:

  1. They lose their protective belief that they are exempt from harm.  Much of our sense of safety and our willingness to take risks rests on this belief, especially among younger people.
  2. They lose their sense of a predictable, dependable future.  This results in the use of defensive coping strategies.  These self-management techniques are basically maladaptive.  They don’t help people get what they really want, but they do provide temporary psychological refuge when confidence and self-image take a nose-dive.

In the next post, we will look at typical defensive coping strategies and the empathetic guidelines to help families deal with loved ones who exhibit them.

 

 

 

How to Navigate HIPPA

Note: Ken and I attended a NAMI Franklin County workshop on February 8, 2020, that included a presentation on Navigating HIPAA for Families and Caregivers.  We learned some good information that, in addition to info we had or have found out the hard way,  we’d like to share with you. 

The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPPA), which went into effect in 2003, has been a major barrier for many families dealing with a loved one with mental health issues.  Sometimes this is because the law is being used correctly.  And sometimes because health care providers are over-interpreting or misinterpreting it.

Here’s one example:  My cat, Chester, needed medicine that the vet didn’t have. So she wrote me a prescription to take to the pharmacy.  Once there, the pharmacist looked at the prescription for Chester Twinem (feline) and asked me how old he was.  I said, “16.”  The pharmacist said, “That’s good.  That means you can sign his HIPPA form for him.”

I was thankful that he wasn’t older because he would not like going to the pharmacy to sign the form for himself with his little paw.

That’s how it can be.  Systems are set up based on HIPPA that actually not in the best interest of all patients. There are the true HIPAA regulations, and then there are the interpretations of those regulations by hospitals, doctors, pharmacists, etc. Here’s a look at the truth:

Who has to comply with HIPAA?

  • Most health care providers (physical, mental health, addiction services providers)
  • Health plans (private insurance companies, such as Anthem
  • Public benefit payers, such as ADAMH boards

These people and organizations are called “covered entities.”

What is protected information under HIPAA?

Basically, it’s any information that a covered entity has in its records about a person who has received health care services, including demographic information. The rule is that HIPPA covers:

  • Information that relates to the individual’s physical or mental health or condition,
  • That a HIPAA covered entity created, received or transmitted in the provision of health care or payment for health care services AND
  • Which either identifies the individual or can be used to identify the individual.

Covered entities must obtain written authorization to disclosed protected information unless HIPPA contains an exception that applies to the disclosure. One exception is sharing between treatment providers.

What disclosures are permitted to families and caregivers? 

 Information can be disclosed to a Personal Representative, an individual who has the authority to make health care decisions under Ohio law.  Other states have different laws on this. Under Ohio law, covered entities (providers) must disclose information to the individual, the personal representative or both.

The people who have legal authority to make health care decisions for another person under Ohio law are:

  • Those with a Health Care Power of Attorney
  • Those identified in a Declaration for Mental Health Treatment
  • A court-appointed legal guardian
  • The parent or guardian of a minor child

What is a Health Care Power of Attorney?

This authorizes a second person to make health care decisions when a person can no longer make them. Two health care professionals have to agree that the person can no longer make decisions for themselves. When that happens, the second person becomes a Personal Representative.

The Health Care Power of Attorney document can also authorize the designated second person to obtain health care information for and on behalf of the individual at any time. It must say specifically: “I specifically authorize my agent to obtain my protected health care information immediately and at any future time.”

 What is a Declaration for Mental Health Treatment?

This document authorizes a proxy to make mental health treatment decisions when the individual does not have capacity to consent to treatment decisions. When the declaration goes into effect, the designee becomes the personal representative. (Note: This form is long and can be difficult for a mental illness person to fill out.)

Unless limited in the declaration, the proxy has the right to obtain personal health information regarding the proposed mental health treatment of the person and to receive, review and consent to disclosure of records relating to that treatment.

 What about court-appointed legal guardians?

The court-appointed legal guardian of an incompetent person is a personal representative. An incompetent person is incapable of taking proper care of themselves and their family as a result of a mental or physical illness/disability, intellectually disability and chronic substance abuse. The process of obtaining legal guardianship takes many months.

What are the rights of parents and guardians of minors regarding information?

The parent, legal guardian or other person acting in loco parentis with legal authority to make health care decisions is a personal representative.

Exceptions include when the minor is receiving confidential mental health services and the parent/guardian has agreed to a confidentiality agreement between the provider and the minor.

The covered entity may decide not to treat a parent, etc. as a personal representative if the covered entity has a reasonable belief that the parent has abused or neglected the child. Or if treating the parent of the personal representative could endanger the individual and the covered entity decides it’s not in the child’s best interest to treat the parent as a personal representative.

What information can be given to persons involved in care?

Health-care or payment-related information can be disclosed to a family member, other relative, close personal friend or other person identified by individual. The information must be directly relevant to the person’s involvement with the health care or payment of health care.

An organization’s policies may supersede and be more restrictive than HIPAA.

Covered entities can notify family members, personal representatives and other people responsible for an individual’s care of the person’s location, general condition or death.

If a person is present in the room and has the capacity to make health care decisions, the covered entity must obtain agreement to disclose personal health information, give the ill person the opportunity to agree or object, or reasonably infer using professional judgment that, based on the circumstances, the ill person would not object.

If a person is not present, or if the opportunity to agree or object cannot happen due to incapacity or emergency circumstances, the covered entity must use its professional judgment to determine whether disclosure is in the best interests of the person.

How do you get written authorization?

The form to obtain written authorization, in which the individual authorizes the Covered Entity to disclose personal health information, has many names:

  • Release of Information
  • Written Authorization
  • Consent to Disclose
  • Standard Authorization form

The form must contain some specific elements from the HIPAA law. Generally, the covered entity is not required to disclose the information.

Ohio’s Standard Authorization Form, which is a national example, says the covered entity is REQUIRED to disclose the information.

So what should you do to get access to the information you need to help your loved one? 

First, you need to act before there’s an issue.  Make sure that your loved one’s health care providers know that you are involved in the person’s care.

Get Health Care Power of Attorney, a Declaration for Mental Health Treatment and, if in Ohio, the Ohio Standard Authorization Form signed and given to the providers.  Do this when your loved one is well enough to discuss and sign to provide you with updates or notifications in the event of an emergency.


Tips to Reduce Anxiety About the Coronavirus

Scary dreams and worries can kick off an overwhelming level of anxiety during this pandemic.  While it’s bad for everyone, it’s worse for people who have mental illness.

Those who have existing issues with panic disorder, depression and generalized anxiety are almost certain to have more intense symptoms unless we take preventive measures. The symptoms can include digestive problems, dizziness, elevated heart rate, fatigue and insomnia, among other things.

I got the idea for this list from an article by Noma Nazish in ForbesLifeand have adapted for my website mindfulchristianyear.com

Control what you can control. And that means you. Wash your hands. Stay six-feet away from people. Still, it helps to smile and be friendly when you pass people from this distance. We also can pray for each person we pass on the street or in the park.

Schedule times for prayer and quiet. If you don’t already have a routine for regular prayer during the day, it’s a great time to start. An alarm on my phone reminds me to stop about every three hours to pray or read Christian materials. Sarah Young’s books, starting with Jesus Calling, are excellent. Her app is very good as well. I also use materials in apps like Pray-As-You-Go, the NIV Bible, Ending Your Day Right, Centering Prayer and the Divine Office.

Make this a good time for your children or grandchildren. Our attitudes will decide how the kids remember this time. Model faith, calm and self-care. Let your kids talk through their fears and concerns. Listen for increases in symptoms.  Determine whether you need to make a call to your child’s psychiatrist to provide information. Make sure you also find some ways to have fun together.

Use block scheduling to set up a routine. Setting up a routine will help to keep you and your family focused on the good. Block scheduling – setting aside an hour or two for each major kind of activity – has been very useful. Activities can include: reading, homeschooling, housework, paperwork, making things, exercise, shopping online, etc.

Reduce your exposure to news and social media. I look at my social media channels once a day. I also read the COVID-19 round-up on my Associated Press app and one local news app in the morning and at night. We do watch the PBS NewsHour as well. Other than that, I try to concentrate on my own life. I think the most reliable sources of information are the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), WebMD, the Weather Channel’s COVID-19 section, the World Health Organization (WHO) and the John Hopkins’ Coronavirus Resource Center.

Stay connected to family and friends. This is the era of FaceTime calls and Zoom/Skype meetings. There’s also the good old-fashioned phone call and new-fashioned texting. Check in with your loved one with mental illness on a regular basis without seeming too anxious yourself. Make an effort to cheer your friends and family up. It will cheer you up, too.

Do a daily stress-reduction exercise. My isolation gift to myself was a subscription to the Breethe app, which is offering specific relaxation exercises regarding coronavirus anxieties. I also use Calm, Meditation Oasis and the Cleveland Clinic’s Stress Meditation. The relaxation exercise is on my block schedule for a specific time in the afternoon.

Eat well. Stress eating is one of my problems, but I do know that mindfully choosing to eat a nutritious meal before I can have my salty/sweet treat is cutting down on the overeating.

Get out in the fresh air and sunshine. Take a daily walk. Set up your patio furniture early or sit out on your porch to read.

Be the hands and feet of Christ. Get involved in helping other people during this time. Your church may have ideas. You also can call a humanitarian organization to see if you can help. Many people are helping from home by calling others to see how they are doing.

Like everything in life, this crisis is offering opportunities to grow as Christians.

Know Your Meds: Long-Acting Injectables

NOTE:  This information came from NAMI and other sources, as well as my own experiences.

Long-acting injectables (LAIs) can be helpful when an individual with mental illness either refuses or is not compliant with medication, often with very unfortunate results.  Most of the people I’ve met who are using LAIs got started in a hospitalization or a situation in which they had regularly become a danger to themselves.

LAIs slowly release medicine into the blood. Injectable medications used for individuals living with mental illness include: Abilify Maintena®, Aristada®, Haldol decanoate®, Invega Sustenna®, Invega Trinza®, fluphenazine decanoate, Risperdal Consta®, and Zyprexa Relprevv®. The LAIs can last anywhere from 2-12 weeks with just one dose, which helps to control symptoms of mental illness.

What do LAIs do?

LAIs treat psychosis (hallucinations or delusions) in individuals with schizophrenia. Some LAIs may be used as mood stabilizers in individuals with bipolar disorder.

How can an LAI help?

Living with active psychosis causes many people to make very bad decisions, which can result in arrests and involuntary commitments.  LAIs can help individuals stick to a medication plan.

When comparing LAIs to pill medications, LAIs may lower the chances of someone going to the hospital. LAIs allow for a steady level of medicine in the blood. These steady levels help lower the chance of side effects. The LAIs may also help improve quality of life and satisfaction with medicine.

How are LAIs given?

LAIs are given as an injection in the muscles of the arm or bottom. When starting a LAI for the first time, individuals may also have to take pill medication for a few weeks. The pill allows the injection to have time to start working. Injections are given every two to 12 weeks depending on the medication.

What if I’m interested in an LAI?

If interested in a LAI, talk to a doctor. A LAI may not be right for every person with a mental illness. The main side effect of a LAI is pain at the injection site.

When talking to a doctor, ask:

  • How will a LAI help?
  • What symptoms will a LAI control?
  • What side effects may occur?
  • What blood work will need to be done?

How can I pay for an LAI?

LAIs are usually expensive.  Many insurance plans should help cover the cost of one of the LAIs. The drug company for each medicine may also be able to help.

Know Your Meds: Mood Stabilizers

Mood stabilizers are typically used to treat intense, repeated shifts in a person’s mood, which may be common for those experiencing bipolar, schizophrenia, or borderline personality.

Many mood stabilizer drugs are also commonly categorized as anticonvulsant medications.

The oldest of them, lithium, has been in use for over 50 years and has proven very effective, particularly for bipolar disorder, type I. However, regular blood tests are required when taking lithium because of potential serious side effects to the kidneys and thyroid.

Newer mood stabilizers, many of which were originally used to treat seizure disorders, may work better than lithium for some people. Mood stabilizers can prevent manic or hypomanic episodes and depressive episodes. but also have side effects to know about and monitor.

Common mood stabilizers include:

Know Your Meds: Anti-Anxiety Medications

The next class of medication are anti-anxiety medicines, which reduce the emotional and physical symptoms of anxiety.  Benzodiazepines such as alprazolam (Xanax) can treat social phobia, generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. This information comes from NAMI and goodtherapy.org

These medicines work quickly and are very effective in the short-term. However, people prone to substance abuse may become dependent on them.

Because the body can become used to the meds, doctors may need to increase the dosage over time to get the same therapeutic effect. People who stop taking benzodiazepines suddenly may experience unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. Other potential side effects include:

  • Low blood pressure
  • Decreased sex drive
  • Nausea
  • Lack of coordination
  • Depression
  • Unusual emotional dysfunction, including anger and violence
  • Memory loss
  • Difficulty thinking

Antianxiety and antipanic medications on the market include:

Know Your Meds: Antidepressants 101

Antidepressants improve symptoms of depression by affecting the brain chemicals associated with emotion, such as serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine. The following information comes from NAMI, goodtherapy.org and other sources.

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) are newer antidepressants with fewer side effects than older drugs, but no medication is entirely free of side effects. Potential side effects of SSRIs and SNRIs include:

  • Nausea
  • Nervousness, agitation or restlessness
  • Dizziness
  • Reduced sexual desire/difficulty reaching orgasm/inability to maintain an erection
  • Insomnia, drowsiness
  • Weight gain or loss
  • Headache
  • Dry mouth
  • Vomiting
  • Diarrhea

One antidepressant (Bupropion) affects mostly the brain chemical dopamine and is in a category of its own.

Meanwhile, older types of antidepressants, including tricyclics and monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs), may be prescribed by a mental health professional if newer medications do not seem to be effective. Common side effects of tricyclics include:

  • Dry mouth
  • Blurred vision
  • Constipation
  • Urine retention
  • Drowsiness
  • Increased appetite, leading to weight gain
  • Drop in blood pressure when moving from sitting to standing, which can cause lightheadedness
  • Increased sweating

MAOIs are the least-prescribed of all antidepressants because they can cause dangerously high blood pressure when combined with certain foods or medications. People taking MAOIs must watch their diets carefully to avoid potentially life-threatening complications. Off-limits foods typically include aged cheese, sauerkraut, cured meats, draft beer and fermented soy products such as miso, tofu or soy sauce. Some people may have to avoid wine and all forms of beer.

Some antidepressants may be useful for post-traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder but may require higher doses. Symptoms of depression that are part of a bipolar disorder need more careful assessment because antidepressants may worsen the risk of mania and provide little relief from depressive symptoms. As always, ask your doctor about what treatment options are right for you.

When will the medication work?

In the first few days, the person may have better sleeping and eating habits. In the first 1-3 weeks, the person may have better memory, sex drive, and self-care habits. They may also feel like they have more energy and start to have less anxiety.

After 2-4 weeks, the person may start to have a better mood, less feelings of hopelessness, and less suicidal thoughts. They may also start to feel interested in hobbies again. It may take 6-8 weeks for the medication to fully work.

What are the common side effects?
These are most common in the beginning, and usually get better within 1-2 weeks.

  • Headache
  • Upset stomach, diarrhea
  • Sleepiness or feeling more awake

Some antidepressants can cause sexual problems, such as a decrease in sex drive or problems with ejaculation.

How long do people need to take this medication?
Some people need to take medicine for up to 1 year after they feel better. Others need to take medicine long-term to prevent their symptoms of depression or anxiety from coming back. The length of time depends on how bad the depression or anxiety was, how long they had it, and how many times they have had depression or anxiety in the past.

Here are some of the medication names and their types, with some links to their descriptions in goodtherapy.org

Know the Meds: Antipsychotics 101

Note: This information came from the websites of NAMI, goodtherapy.org and other sources, as well as my own experience. 

Antipsychotics come in two major categories: typical and atypical. Occasionally they are called first and second generation.

The antipsychotics developed in the mid-20th century are the typical and first generation class.  Atypical or second generation were developed more recently. These medications reduce or eliminate the symptoms of psychosis, such as delusions and hallucinations, by affecting the brain chemical dopamine.

Both types of antipsychotics are used to treat schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder.  The atypical also are used to treat acute mania, bipolar disorder and treatment-resistant depression.  Both kinds work, but they have different side effects.

What are the names of these medications? 

What are the side effects?

Side effects are most common at the beginning, and most get better over time.  The most common are:

  • Sleepiness
  • Dizziness
  • Upset stomach
  • Increased appetite

First generation antipsychotics are more likely to cause movement issues, such as tardive dyskinesia (a condition in which the brain misfires resulting in random, uncontrollable muscle movements and tics.)

The second generation can cause weight gain.

How long does it take to produce results? 

It often takes four to six weeks for the medication to fully work.  However, in the first three days, the person may feel less upset and angry.

After one or two weeks, the person may have a better mood and improved self care habits.  You may see clearer thinking, with fewer hallucinations and delusions.

How long do people take this medication? 

It depends on the situation: how bad the problems were, how long the illness lasted before treatment, and how many times they have had episodes.  Some people only need it for one or two years, while others need it for a lifetime.

 

 

Know the Meds, Part 1

The treatments for mental illness conditions vary from person to person, which doesn’t make things any easier.  People with the same diagnosis can have vastly different experiences with treatments and medications.

Of course, your loved one’s mental health provider is the best source for information about treatment.  Getting a HIPPA release so you can discuss the situation with them is very useful.  The articles in this series, based on information from NAMI and my experience, are general information to help you understand the treatment options when they are discussed.

Psychotropic, or psychiatric, medications influence the chemicals in the brain that regulate thinking and emotions.  While they can be more effective when combined with therapy, often a person needs the medication first to reduce symptoms to allow them to participate in the therapy.

Predicting what works is a challenge.  One field of research called pharmacogenetics does genetic testing to help determine how medications will interact with a person’s genes.  Some people I know have taken these tests, so it’s worth discussing it with the doctor. It’s also helpful to tell the doctor if a medication has worked well for someone else in the immediate family.

Another major challenge is that the medications rarely work instantly.  A person may need to take medication for as long as a few months to see a difference, which becomes even more irritating if side effects are causing issues.

To try to stop that, physicians usually start with small doses and build up to get to the point where the symptoms are better.  It’s important that your loved one does not stop medicine at once.  Usually, it’s better to taper off to avoid unpleasant effects.

The main categories of psychotropic medicine are:

  • Antipsychotics
  • Antidepressants
  • Anti-anxiety medicine
  • Mood stabilizers

We will look at each in this series.

15 Ways to Abide With Jesus

Want to enjoy the presence of Jesus in your life as a caregiver?  Here’s 15 steps to help you get there.

  1. Try a daily prayer of surrender. “Today, this is Your day… Today, I am Yours… May Your Spirit lead, guide and prompt me throughout my day… May I be sensitive to Your prompting and respond accordingly… Today, I surrender my life to You…
  2. Read a short section of Scripture or a devotional book as often as you eat.
  3. Pray Bible verses. Even if it’s just a few verses, pray the Bible back to God.  This is easier if you put up Bible verses around the house. That can be in framed calligraphy, a perpetual calendar of Biblical thoughts or simple Post-it notes.
  4. Be in the day with a plan and the willingness to disregard the plan to respond to what God allows.
  5. Keep focused on what you are doing. When you walk with Jesus, everything you do can be a prayer. This is where the practice of Christian mindfulness comes in.
  6. Listen to yourself and be compassionate. Overcoming restlessness and the need to focus on the trivial to avoid the pain of grief is a problem that I have, and I think many others who are caregivers of people with mental illness have as well. The Three Things exercise can help you to focus your attention, reduce restlessness and add calm: Stretch or drink some water. Note three things you see, three thinks you hear and three feelings you have. 
  7. Refocus during transitions. Try to center yourself as you move from place to place, from event to event. You can say:  I am calm, peaceful and aware of the presence of God as I enter this home/door/time/event.
  8. Carry on a conversation with God and try to make it continual.
  9. When you run out of words, say the Jesus prayer. Using a “Jesus” prayer when you need to calm down or you are in a situation in which you would just look at your phone helps. You can pray “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” over and over.  I use “Come Holy Spirit.”  It’s also a nice way to go to sleep at night.
  10. Stop to praise God
  11. Be a “yes” to all that is in God and to each circumstance and person who comes into our lives. Have faith that God is at work even in horrible circumstances. We should look at all circumstances, environments, and even all persons as coming through God’s hands so we can serve Him. This is the “good” that all things work for as mentioned in Romans 8:28: 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Acceptance of this kind makes caregiving less depleting and exhausting.It’s so challenging, but you can accept the reality of the circumstance and not argue in your mind that it should be different.  Second, you also need listen to yourself rather than taking a treat (food, a drink or a nap). Acceptance is not the same as being happy in sad circumstances. You cannot pretend everything is fine, because your mind knows it’s not. Accepting that everything is not fine, but it is impossible for you to change allows you to offer more empathy without draining excessive energy. We are not in heaven yet, and bad things happen in a fallen world.  God is still present and wants to abide in you.  The joy of the Lord is your strength.  Follow an energy draining situation with an energy builder such as reading, meditation, pray, eating something healthy and tasty.
  12. In everything give thanks
  13. Think on these things. Philippians 4:8:Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. I made up a phrase to help me remember this: The normal real person likes an excellent pizza. (true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy).  This helps me to do a thought check when I seem to be on the wrong track.
  14. Give yourself a GIFT list.The GIFT list idea originated with Pam Young and Peggy Jones, and I adapted it to give myself something else to think about. I keep the daily list with my to-dos. GIFT stands for: Grace, Imagination, Focus and Thanksgiving.  I ask for a Grace from the list of the fruits of the Holy Spirit (love, joy, peace, patients, kindness, goodness, righteousness, gentleness and self-control). For Imagination, I pick a virtue and image how I could incorporate that virtue into my day.  Focus is the day’s predominate activities.  (Attending meetings, writing, planning, cleaning, making things, running errands, enjoying the family, taking a Sabbath, etc.)  And Thanksgiving is a gratitude list I fill out as the day goes on.  When my mind goes on a tear, I deliberately turn it back to the Grace, Imagination or Focus of the day.
  15. Summon up your courage and pray the welcoming prayer. This is the scariest prayer I’ve ever prayed: Welcome, welcome, welcome. I welcome everything that comes to me today because I know it’s for my healing. I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations and conditions. I let go of my desire for power and control.  I let go of my desire for affection, esteem, approval and pleasure. I let go of my desire for survival and security. I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person or myself.  I open t the love and presence of God and God’s action within. 

This practice of the presence of God, somewhat difficult in the beginning, when practiced faithfully, secretly brings about marvelous effects in the soul, draws down the abundance of God’s grace upon it, and leads it imperceptibly to this simple awareness, to this loving view of God present everywhere, which is the holiest, the surest, the easiest, and the most efficacious form of prayer. People who lean on Jesus know things that other people don’t know.

 

The Aim of Christian Meditation and Mindfulness

The prayer of the presence of Jesus and Christian mindfulness are two parts of a whole:  the experience of abiding in Jesus.

In their book “Practicing the Prayer of Presence,”  Adrian van Kaan and Susan Muto wrote:  “The best way to cope with suffering is not stoic indifference or pessimistic complaints, but constant conversation with God in all matters, great or small, at all times and in all places.

“A deeper way of learning to pray is to try to live in the presence of God. This is the beginning of always praying as the Gospels and St. Paul recommend. We try in a relaxed way to become aware of His Presence all the time we are awake. We need the grace of quiet concentration and perseverance to develop this habit.

“If we practice the prayer of Presence, we will be better able to check our speech.  Is it agitated, restless, disquieted?  Or is it calm, deliberate and quietly rooted in Christ, who is our Way, Truth and Life?”

What they are talking about has similarities to secular meditation and mindfulness.  But it is quite different.  What the world calls meditation is just a preliminary step that Christians call “recollection” exercises.  It is necessary to bring our spirit together again in inner stillness if we want to be fully present to the Lord.

The aim of Christian mindfulness meditation is:

  • To make our minds familiar with the truths of God.
  • To dwell on those truths.
  • To apply the insights we receive to our lives.

One of the reasons that mindfulness is a popular today is that research shows that it helps to reduce stress and even pain.  Mindfulness can release the mind from an overgeneralized state.  It relieves the automatic brooding, avoidant mind.  Loving kindness meditation and kindness to one’s self also help to decrease the fears that come from feeling responsible when anything goes wrong.  Being overly responsible is an issue I have.

Abiding in the Lord has elements of this mindfulness: seeking to concentrate on the present moment.  “The day’s own trouble is sufficient for the day,” as Jesus said. But it goes beyond that to recognize that God is present in the here and now.  God is here.  God is now.

The condition to receive the presence of God is emptiness.  We must empty ourselves inwardly of all that is not God, including distraction, agitation, fear and nervous tension.  All must give way to the flow of quiet presence.

The person who is experienced with this kind of effort is not a person whose mind does not wander.  Everyone’s mind wanders.  The experienced person is someone who gets very used to beginning again and again and again.

Why Low Expectations Are a Good Thing

How do you feel when you expect a $100 tax refund and the IRS finds a mistake in your favor, so you get $1,000 instead?

How about when you expect to wait for 10 minutes and you end up waiting an hour?

The way that things turn out compared to how we expected them to turn has a lot to do with how we feel.  Understanding the impact of our expectations can help us deal with the pain and frustration of loving someone with a brain-based (mental) illness.

For example, living with a person who has clinical depression is hard.  We want to help, but we don’t know how. Sometimes our efforts make things worse.  The same is true when you live with a person who suffers from anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder or the spectrum that is schizophrenia.

All of them have an intense need for love, but they often have trouble being loving in return.

What would an expert in the psychological community expect from a person with clinical depression?  Low energy, for one thing.  The depressed have so little energy that they rarely can think about other people.  So they seem self-centered.  The depressed person can feel an inner anger that life isn’t fair.  Yet, getting in arguments to try to talk them out of their hopelessness doesn’t work.

A person with bipolar disorder is expected to show signs of the illness.  The mood swings between mania and depression, with long or short periods in between, may seem as if they don’t have a rhyme or reason.  The reason is chemical, and it needs treatment.

Living alongside someone with borderline personality disorder is a true roller coaster ride.  One minute you are the best, and the next you are seen as a monster. “Walking around on eggshells” is a common description of daily life in that household.  People with this illness are in emotional pain almost all the time, and they project issues on others.

In short, people with mental illness are expected to behave in ways you don’t like.  They can no longer meet many simple expectations that we had for them before the illness.  One of the toughest issues family members have is deciding what the new expectations should be:  Can he work?  Can she do chores?  Can he join us for family dinner?  Can she take a shower without prompting?

This change has more impact on us that we want it to have.  We experience deep pain as we try to adjust,  as one thing after another becomes too much for them to do.  Grieving this loss is tough at the beginning, and it’s just as tough as time goes on.

You can measure stress by the difference between what is happening and what you think should be happening.  So your stress will be intense, unless you change your thinking about “what should be.”

At the beginning of a loved one’s mental illness, a psychologist suggested to us, “Why don’t you try not having any expectations at all?”  Easier said than done, and hard to hear.

But we learned to keep our expectations as low as possible.  To fill in the gap,  it’s wise to turn to God’s promises.  God is both sufficient and faithful,  walking with us through this valley of the shadow of death.  Abiding with the Lord can give you expectations of peace and comfort.

 

 

 

 

 

It Gets Better: The Emotional Stages of Mental Health Caregiving

Just as Elizabeth Kubler-Ross developed a stage-of-grief model, several sociologists have created a model for the emotional stages of loving someone with mental illness.

Dr. Joyce Burland, a psychologist, spent two decades of helping her mother and her daughter deal with schizophrenia.  She found no model for the experience, so she created the family education curriculum Family to Family for NAMI.  (My husband and I have taken this course and recommend it to many families in our support group.)

The Burland model has three stages:

  1. Heads Out of the Sand – The family knows their loved one has a mental illness.  They may still be in denial about how severe the illness is. The family needs education (especially about the prognosis for the illness), crisis intervention and emotional support.
  2. Learning To Cope – The family accepts the illness while still experiencing emotions like grief, anger and guilt. They need education about self-care and coping skills for their loved one, as well as peer support.
  3. Moving Into Advocacy – Some families eventually become advocates to help others struggling with these issues.

Dr. David Karp, a sociologist at Boston College, proposed a second model with four stages:

  1. Emotional Anomie – This stage comes before a firm diagnosis.  It can include fear, confusion, bewilderment and questioning of one’s possible “guilt” in the situation.  (“What did I do wrong to cause this?”) It also contain the fervent hope that the problem will “just go away.”
  2. Hope and Compassion – This occurs when the diagnosis is provided.  Fear and confusion directed at the loved one turn to compassion.  The family starts to learn about the illness and to understand they need to be caregivers.  While still hoping that the illness will be resolved quickly, some caregivers may feel that they are willing to do anything to make things better for their loved one.
  3. Loss of Dreams and Resentment –  Now the family understands that the illness may be a permanent condition.  Some experience anger and resentment because it is a problem that they cannot fix.  The resentments also arise from realizing that the illness will have a long-term impact on their own plans.  Some, such as adult children dealing with an ill parent, find themselves in a role reversal situation.  Many rethink their expectations for the ill loved one, struggling to understand what is realistic.  The struggle to decide what behaviors the loved one can control and what they can’t becomes a daily reality.  Families begin the process of trying to love the person and hate the illness. As the demands of caregiving continue, some families become isolated from friends and other family members.
  4. Acceptance –  The family realizes that it can’t control the loved one’s illness.  They feel somewhat relieved that they are not responsible for fixing the issue.  Karp was the person who created the “4 Cs”:  “I did not cause it. I cannot control it. I cannot cure it.  All I can do it cope with it.”   At the same time, the family more easily sees their loved one’s strength and courage in the struggle.  This may led to more respect and even admiration for that person.

Where you do think you fall in these scales?  Have you experiences the differences between having a loved one with a “physical” illness, such as cancer or heart disease, and having a loved one with a brain-based disease?

When the Worst Happens

Help Wanted

Needed immediately: a person to work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Work gets tougher on holidays and trips. No salary.  No benefits. You may spend significant amounts of your own money out-of-pocket. No training. Learn by trial and error, although  what works one day might not work the next.  Be prepared for days that break your heart and times when you will be mistreated on the job.

If you are a caregiver for a person with mental illness, this is your job description. The shock and horror of getting this job has a seismic impact on the family.  Having a family member with any kind of serious illness is devastating.  Dealing with a mental illness … so often a brain-based physical illness … has extra components that make it even more grueling.

Factors Influencing the Family’s Response

A training put together by Michelle D. Sherman, Ph.D, for the Department of Veteran Affairs to help families impacted by post-traumatic stress disorder, clinical depression and other illnesses common to veterans noted that some families have an easier time responding to this situation than others.

The factors that impact the situation in any health crisis include:

  • The family’s support system.
  • Previous experience with or knowledge of the illness.
  • The family’s coping pattern in times of great stress.
  • Access to health care and the quality of that care.
  • Financial status.
  • Type of onset of the illness (sudden vs. gradual, public vs. private).
  • Nature of the symptoms.
  • Other demands on the family.
  • The loved one’s compliance or refusal to participate in care.
  • Prognosis of the illness.

Other factors are specific to mental illness:

  • Reactions by others are unpredictable and even hurtful.
  • Family members feel guilt that they somehow caused the illness, could have prevented the illness or did not detect it early enough. It’s typical to feel guilty about your reaction to previous behavior caused by the illness that you felt were intentional actions.
  • The prognosis and course of treatment are less concrete than with other physical illnesses.
  • The loved one can have embarrassing behaviors that could even result in arrest.
  • The loved one (as well as some family members) can refuse to accept the diagnosis.  This can result in failure to comply with treatment, lying about that, anger toward the family and total lack of appreciation for the family’s efforts.

As a result, families feel isolated. When they turn to their social and religious support, some get no help. Many fear telling others about the illness and do not ask for help.  Tension within the family can get very tough, especially when one or more family members refuse to believe that the loved one has a mental illness.

Families do tend to go through stages as they deal with the situation.  Next time, we will look at the patterns involved in this.

 

 

My Loved One Is Showing Signs of Mental Illness. What Do I Do?

Step One: Trust your instincts. This is especially true if you are very close to this person …. it’s your spouse or your child or your best friend. If their behavior seems unusual and demonstrates one or more of the warning signs of mental illness, you need to pay attention. The worst thing you can do is to ignore it.

If the person is a teenager, you may be tempted to dismiss this as a stage. Yes, many teenagers have episodes of sadness, anxiety, frustration and feelings of being overwhelmed. The episodes should not last more than a few days at most.

If the feelings last for weeks or months, speak to your child about your concerns and consult your family doctor. Teenagers who have stopped participating in activities, no longer connect with friends, and are chronically disconnected, angry and sad are exhibiting abnormal behavior and need help.

Likewise, it is never normal to have a psychotic episode. Even if someone appears to go back to normal, they need a professional assessment.  It won’t hurt anything to check into the situation. Go along with the delusion to get the person to a doctor.

What to Say and How to Say It

So what kind of conversation should you have with them? Here are some tips:

  • Speak in a calm voice.
  • Say what you mean and listen. “I am concerned about you because …” “How are you feeling about this?”
  • Try not to interrupt the person.
  • Avoid sarcasm, whining, threats or yelling.
  • Don’t criticize or call names.
  • Try not to use the words “always” or “never.”
  • Deal with the now.
  • Remember: This has nothing to do with you.  It’s a brain condition.
  • Acknowledge that you are in this together.
  • If things get heated, take a break and come back to the discussion later.

If you are seeing behavior or hearing language that indicate the person is a threat to themselves or others, take them to the emergency room. Tell the staff at the check-in what is going on immediately. If you have a specialized system for dealing with people in psychiatric emergencies in your town, you can call that organization (Netcare in Columbus, Ohio, for example) instead.

Otherwise, make a doctor’s appointment. Some psychiatrists who do not take regular insurance may be able to see you more quickly. Your loved mental health organization may have some names you can call.

While you are waiting for the appointment, help the person take steps to reduce their stress. Encourage them to do something relaxing. Try to help them keep a regular routine of sleep, activity, meals and medication. Again, trust your instincts. Go to the emergency room if you suspect psychosis or suicidal thoughts.

Early Warning Signs of Mental Illness

The warning signs of mental illness often come early in life. Fifty percent of cases of mental illness begin by age 14, and three-quarters begin by age 24.

Looking for warning signs will help you, your loved one and his or her treatment providers get a head start on managing the illness. Generally speaking, it’s hard for the people with the illness to fully recognize the warning signs. So often his friends and family will start to see problems first.  Here are some typical signs:

  • Increased irritability.
  • More noticeable tension, anxiousness or worries.
  • Increased sleep disturbances (such as hearing your loved one being up all night and sleeping through the day OR  not sleeping for more than 24 hours)
  • Depression.
  • Social withdrawal in more extreme forms, such as refusing to leave his or her room even to eat, spending most of the time alone.
  • Deterioration of school or job performance.
  • Concentration problems (taking longer to do tasks, have trouble finding tasks, having trouble following a conversation or a TV show).
  • Decreasing or stopping medication or treatment (such as, refusing to go to the doctor or the case manager appointment, skipping the vocational program).
  • Eating less or eating more.
  • Excessively high or low energy.
  • Lost interest in doing things.
  • Poor hygiene or lost interest in the way he or she looks.
  • Saying that he or she is afraid that he or she is “going crazy.” 
  • Becoming excessive in religious practices.
  • Feeling bothered by thoughts that he or she can’t get rid of.
  • Mistrustfulness or suspiciousness.
  • Showing emotions that do not fit the situation.
  • Vague speech.
  • Speech that doesn’t make sense.
  • Making up words.
  • Inappropriate responses … laughing or smiling when talking of a sad event, making irrational statements.
  • Unusual idea or beliefs.
  • Feeling completely overwhelmed. 
  • Leaving bizarre voice mail messages, outgoing messages or writings.
  • A blank vacant facial expression.
  • Rapidly changing mood … from happy to sad to angry for no apparent reason.

Warning Signs of Mental Illness in Children

  • Severe and recurring depression … feeling very sad or withdrawn for more than two weeks.
  • Explosive, destructive or lengthy rages, especially after the age of four.
  • Extreme sadness or lack of interest in play.
  • Severe separation anxiety.
  • Talk of wanting to die or kill themselves or others.
  • Dangerous behaviors, such as trying to jump from a fast moving car or a roof.
  • Grandiose belief in own abilities that defy the laws of logic (possessing ability to fly).
  • Sexualized behavior unusual for the child’s age.
  • Impulsive aggression.
  • Delusional beliefs and hallucinations.
  • Extreme hostility.
  • Extreme or persistent irritability.
  • Telling teachers how to teach the class, bossing adults around.
  • Creativity that seems driven or compulsive.
  • Excessive involvement in multiple projects and activities.
  • Compulsive craving for certain objects or food.
  • Hearing voices telling them to take harmful action.
  • Racing thoughts, pressure to keep talking.
  • Sleep disturbances, including gory nightmares or not sleeping very much.
  • Drawings or stories with extremely graphic violence.

Trust Your Instincts

If the person is a family member … a child or husband … and their behavior seems unusual to you, trust your instincts.

If your teenager is not engaging in activities or with friends and is chronically disconnected, angry and sad, the behavior is abnormal and needs intervention.

Many teenagers have episodes of sadness, anxiety, frustration and feelings of being overwhelmed.  The episodes should not last more than a few days at most.  If the feelings are continual and your teen is chronically anxious, speak to your child about your concerns and consult your family doctor.

Don’t ignore. Don’t accept other people saying it’s just a stage. Trust your instincts that something is wrong.

Mental Illness: Brain-Based, Common and Episodic

Mental illness is a difficult phrase: It implies that this kind of illness is different from all other kinds of illness. It’s not. It’s a brain-based illness, for the most part. I use the phrase because it is widely understood, not because it is appropriate.

Mental illness is common, and it’s generally episodic. Things get better and then things get worse and then things get better again. 

Illness or Individuality?

There are plenty of people who are very shy, or believe in government conspiracies, or are sure that they talked to the dead, or heard directly from God.  Does that mean they are mentally ill?  Not necessarily.

To one degree or another, many people hold views that are unusual or eccentric. To qualify as mental illness, the behavior must do these things:

  1. The symptoms must interfere with the person’s ability to have social relationships, go to school or hold down a job, or take care of himself.
  2. The most severe symptoms must last for at least a month, unless the period is cut short with successful treatment.
  3. The symptoms are not explained by drug abuse, the side effects of another medication or the impact of another illness.

Is Mental Illness Really Common, Though?

Yes. It may not seem common because it is so often hidden. Here are the facts from NAMI and the World Health Organization:

  • About 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. – 43.8 million or 18.5% experience a mental illness in any given year.
  • About 1 in 25 adults in the U.S. – 9.8 million or 4% – experiences a serious mental illness in any given year that substantially interferes with or limited one or more major life activities.
  • About 1 in 5 children aged 13-18 (21.4%) experiences a severe mental disorder at some point.  For children aged 8-15, the estimate is 13%.
  • 1.1% of adults in the U.S. are on the schizophrenia spectrum.
  • 2.6% of adults in the U.S. have bipolar disorder.
  • 6.9% of adults in the U.S. – 16 million – had at least one major depressive episode in the past year.
  • 18.1% of U.S. adults have an anxiety disorder such as posttraumatic stress disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and specific phobias.
  • About the 20.2 million adults with a substance use disorder, 50.5% – 10.2 million adults – have a co-occurring mental illness.
  • About 26% of homeless adults staying in shelters have a serious mental illness.
  • About 20% of state prisoners and 21% of local jail prisoners have a recent history of mental illness.
  • 70% of youth in juvenile justice systems have at least one mental health conditions and at least 20% have a major mental illness.
  • More than 90 percent of children who commit suicide have a mental illness.
  • Only 41% of adults with a mental health condition received medical services for it.
  • Only half of the children with mental health conditions get help.
  • African Americans and Hispanic American use mental health services at about half the rate as Caucasian Americans.  Asian Americans get services at about one-third the rate.
  • Percentage of people with mental illness that Jesus cared enough about to die for:  100%

Are You a Sponge or a Mirror?

Need to take your life back? One of the best books of practical advice I’ve found is “Stop Walking on Eggshells” by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger. The authors focus on Borderline Personality Disorder, but the advice is good for ANYONE who is feeling overwhelmed by another person’s behavior.

You start by asking yourself:  Are you a sponge (soaking up the other person’s pain) or a mirror (reflecting reality back to the person)?  The advice about improving communication is particularly good.

You must not spiral into another person’s distorted world, but you still can listen carefully to detect what the person is really upset about. It’s hard to be verbally attacked for a delusion, but the pain and fear underneath that attack are real.

While the person’s feelings may not make any sense to you, they make sense to them. Don’t judge. Don’t trivialize. Don’t be condescending. Use active listening skills to validate the feelings.

Still you must know your boundaries … what you will and will not tolerate.  Stay consistent, no matter what. Research shows that inconsistent response to a behavior actually makes that behavior more persistent than even rewarding the behavior every time does.

When things need to change, make specific requests in simple language, as in: “I want you to stop hanging up on me and then immediately calling me back when we are talking on the phone” rather than “Stop being so disrespectful.”

If you feel helpless, get some help yourself from a counselor.  Together you can work out responses to difficult situations. When my daughter was very ill with juvenile bipolar disorder, I had my own therapist. She was a great gift in my life because she understood that my daughter’s illness and could see difficult situations with a compassionate outsider’s viewpoint.  That gave me insights and ideas I would not have had otherwise.

In effect, you are learning to love the person while still being loving to yourself.  It will make both of you better.

My Life as a Lighthouse

Once I asked God for an image of my life’s meaning. What I saw was a lighthouse.

That won’t seem unusual to those who’ve been to my house in summer when lighthouses become a decorative item.  We’ve always been drawn to them, and we generally buy an image of each lighthouse we visit.  Only my husband has been brave enough to climb the scariest of old spiral staircases to the top. But we both love them.

Being a lighthouse is also an image of the difference between being loving to someone who is experiencing a storm of mental illness and being codependent.  The lighthouse shines its light to guide the ships to safety.  It does not drag itself off its rock and wade into the storm in an attempt to grab the ship and drag it to safety.  It sounds the foghorn, it’s true, but it doesn’t engage in a lengthy argument about why the ship should head in its direction.

Fortunately, the lighthouse is attached to its rock, just I am attached to my Rock. So we allow the ship to use us as a guide or to ignore all our sound advice. We look strong, maybe even stronger than we feel, and we shine our light so that all can see it.

You’d Be Fine If You Just Took Your Medicine


I take my medicine.  Do you?  Probably.  So why is it so hard for our loved ones with mental illness to take their meds? You probably have heard all the reasons:

  1. They hate the side effects.
  2. They feel good now so they hope that the illness is over.
  3. It’s too hard to get the medicine. 
  4. The medicine takes aways the “highs,” leaving them flat and uncreative.
  5. They just don’t like the idea of taking drugs for mental illness, athough they often medicate it themselves with alcohol and street drugs.
  6. The medicine is too expensive. (That’s certainly true.)

The No. 1 responsibility that we have as caregivers is to make sure that our loved ones get and take their medication. That’s difficult, to say the least. I have had a variety of experiences.  I’ve had loved ones actively refuse to take the medicine, spitting it out into the glass of water.  I’ve had loved ones pretend to take the medicine and later throw it into the toilet.  And I’ve had loved ones faithfully take the medicine.

This last came as a result of refusing to provide any money to the loved one and then offering to trade compliance for cigarettes.  Yes, I know the American Lung Association would be proud of me. But it worked.  And, since up to 80 percent of people with schizophrenia smoke, it is an option. Once he had been on the medicine for a while, he became faithful about taking it because, he said, “I remember what it’s like when I don’t take my medicine.”

Frankly that’s what we all wish for.  Of course, the classic strategies to encourage compliance include:

  • Talking up the benefits of taking the medicine, including pointing out that it will help them to stay out of the hospital. A locked psych ward isn’t a pleasant memory for anyone.  Pointing out that the medicine will help them move forward to better days is also important. 
  • Building the medicine into a routine that’s as simple as possible.  We do a weekly pill box.  I fill it each Sunday and check it intermittently. My loved one also takes all the medicine once a day, even though he is supposed to take it in 12-hour periods.  He was never able to remember taking it in the morning, but could remember to take it before bed. Better all at once than not at all.  
  • Using incentives, like money, movie tickets, keys to the car and other things.

If they still won’t take the medicine, you need to maintain as positive and pleasant a relationship as you can so the tension of the medicine doesn’t destroy your rapport.  At the same time, you need to allow the loved one to experience the consequences of not taking the medicine. And that can be the most difficult step of all.

Bringing God’s Grace to Your (Sad and Scary) Situation

Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear; rather look to them with hope that, as they arise, God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them … the same everlasting God who cares for you today, will take care of you tomorrow, and every day, either by shielding you from suffering, or by giving you strength to bear it. Be at peace, then, and put aside all anxious thoughts.

I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who has achieved this advice from Francis de Sales.  But it is a goal for me, like it is for many who love people with mental illness.

First, falling apart under a burden of worrying and anxiety will not help your loved one.  Your stability is a bedrock for them, and you need to try to keep yourself at peace as best you can.

So how? Only with God’s grace is any of this possible.  The best way to open myself up to that grace is to realize that I need to ask for forgiveness for the sin of worry … yes, it actually is a sin … and ask for grace.  I certainly can’t do it by myself.

I was listening to a sermon from Tim Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian Church, a great church in New York. He pointed out that worry actually comes out of pride and even arrogance.  We think we know what SHOULD be happening and are distraught that it’s not. So we worry.

Has God allowed something to get past Him? No. God is sovereign, and He can make even the suffering that comes from the illness … and ultimately from the fallen world … and make good come out of it for those who love Him. If we repent and reach out for grace, step by step the peace will come.